I was driving to work last month when I heard a piece on the news about the death of Nora Ephron. I’d never heard her name before, but I knew some of the films she’d written – When Harry Met Sally being one of my favourites.
During the piece, the reporter mused how Nora famously quoted her own mother’s advice that, “Everything is copy”.
Everything is copy.
I guess this means that when writing, nothing is off limits. And it goes into other areas too, like the radio work I do and the blogging work.
Everything is copy. There’s copy everywhere in life. Everywhere.
Whether it’s something my daughter did yesterday, something my husband said the week before, something I observed in a shop or saw at toddler group or heard my mum say to my dad, or thought about driving to work… Everything is copy.
Or is it?
I’m always really aware that when I talk about stuff on the radio or when I write about stuff here, or in a feature for a magazine – or whatever – that while everything may be copy for me, that might not be the case for everyone else.
I write and talk about stuff that happens in everyday life – often this is observational stuff based on my own experiences (I figure my life is as good a place to start as any). But I’m not the only person in my life, there are always other people in my experiences.
And that’s where, “Everything is copy” becomes a bit shady.
I extend this to Facebook and Twitter too. But even if I’m tweeting about something about ME, or MY daughter, I’m aware that other people (family maybe) may have a different opinion of what’s acceptable as copy. Or, to put it another way, what’s acceptable to share.
And herein lies the problem.
Because for some people – those who have their copy filters set to a much higher level than mine – ideas of acceptability will clearly be far different.
When people (mainly friends) ask me if I ever feel like I’m sharing too much on the radio or online, or if I ever feel the need to hole up behind closed doors, I reply, “I’d never talk about something on the radio that I wouldn’t be comfortable writing about on my blog, or putting on Facebook or Twitter, or writing in a magazine.”
Like this photo, for example. This is a moment, between my daughter and I. A cuddle. No one else around. But I’m happy to share it here because I shared it on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. It’s just a moment. A lovely moment. They happen all the time….
That’s not to say I always share moments like these. Some I keep just for myself.
But some people NEVER put photos like these on their blog. Or on Facebook. Or Twitter. Some celebrities have privacy injunctions in place around their kids so they can’t be photographed and put in the papers.
I’m not saying there’s a right and wrong. Just that I live somewhere in the middle of the two sharing and non-sharing extremes.
So I guess, while everything may be copy for me, it doesn’t mean everything is copy that gets published.
And THAT’S my filter.
What’s yours? Is everything copy? How do you set your copy filter?
The longer I am blogging the less I feel like sharing. I guess too many people know about my blog so I can’t really spout off about my life anymore. I am a victim of my own success or summat!
So far I’ve kept my full name off my blog and twitter so that you can’t google me and find them. But I think this will change sometime soon.
My view is my little blog isn’t all that important and at some point in the future most likely it’ll only be me still interested in these old posts. Having said that I’m careful of what photos I publish, no naked bath photos for example.
I have that rule about photos too. It’s a really personal choice. Really interesting to see other people’s approaches though.
I am a fairly open person in real-life and am happy to talk about most things so therefore my blog reflects that. I generally share both positive and negative things to do with Iyla and my life as a parent too because if she does read it back when she’s older I want her to see both sides as I think that will help her more as a parent instead of me just writing about the happy stuff. I am careful when it comes to writing about and posting photos of Dad2BabyInsomniac though as he hates people knowing about his life – we couldn’t be more opposite in that respect! He knows that blogging is a big part of my life and that it does involve me mentioning him, especially in The Perfect Romance Experiment which is all about relationships,but I think he also trusts me not to write things that he wouldn’t want anyone knowing. I would blog it all if I could though! x
I know what you mean – I’m probably more open than the NLM, who doesn’t even have a Facebook page, which is why I check with him if I’m ever writing something about him and let him read it and check he’s happy before I publish it. And I agree, honesty is important. I think just blogging about the good bits of life can come across as a bit disingenuous sometimes and not “real” in some way. It’s a fine line isn’t it?! Thank you for the comment. x
Goodness, this is food for thought Molly. I blog about my family life and I do talk about my daughters – fondly, in the main! – a lot so I can only hope that they don’t feel now or in the future that their privacy has been invaded. At the moment they seem to quite like it, but if that ever stopped, then I guess I would stop, too!
I think when they’re the age to tell you then it’s probably easier to know where to draw the line. There’s certain stuff I wouldn’t write about – and if I ever write about my husband I always get his consent first and let him read the post before I hit publish. It’s a tricky one though!
Such a lovely photo!
And such a thought-provoking piece, and something that we should probably all spend some time considering. I think my filter is probably set at a similar level to yours – perhaps slightly stricter – but to be honest I make the rules up as I go along. I’d post a cuddle photo on my personal Facebook page, but not on Twitter or my blog. DorkyDad and I have agreed not to put any videos of DorkySon online anywhere. If it was left up to me I probably would share some on FB, but it makes him uncomfortable and I totally respect that. If I use photos of T on the blog I try to make them ones that don’t show his face, even though if you go to my About page it links to an article on an external site that shows all three of us face-on!
So yeah, I am a little bit all over the place.
Writing wise, there have been times when I have LONGED to write about something, but haven’t been able to. I am convinced that the next project Mammasaurus should embark on is a collective anonymous blog where we can all write the copy that we’re not able to put to our own name…
Ah – now that’d be where Blognonymous comes in. Is that still running?
Yes – deets here http://www.iamtypecast.com/p/blognonymous.html
Thanks Nickie x
Oooh what an interesting post. I have been known to write things, then delete or leave unpublished as I worry quite a lot what certain people who read my blog may think. Mainly I base my filter on what my children would think of it when they are older, but once I wrote about my son’s schooling, only for the headmaster to reveal at parent’s evening that he had read it. That made me think a lot more about the repercussions of putting my views in the pubic domain and I am a lot more cautious about what I write now – rightly or wrongly, I guess.
I don’t think there’s necessarily a right or wrong answer to that. All you can do is what feels right for YOU and to check you have the consent of other people if you’re going to write about them by name or in an easily identifiable way.
Having older children determines a lot of what I can and cannot write about but they respect the fact that I’m fair (and funny… *cough*). I tend not to write about my middle child because he is easily embarrassed and I always ask my daughter’s permission to use photo images of my grandchildren, even if I’ve taken them. But I do think that people have to get used to the idea that we’re heading for a more online/digital life and people communicate better with images.
And seriously, we should all just used a modicum of common sense when posting anything online – words or images as it’s going to be there FOREVER!
You are so right. It’s the same with any printed word though, once it’s there it’s there. There’s no going back. And I agree that to an extent I think we have to accept that we ARE going more and more towards a world where people share more online. The only way to avoid that completely is to NOT have a Facebook page or Twitter or whatever. I think it’s unrealistic to expect to have full control of everything online though. I’ve rambled… do you know what I mean?!
Yes, completely đ
The control is “lost” when you use third party apps to house your personal data/images then moan when they move the goalposts. If you want total control over something online then build the platform yourself.
Don’t forget that “Everything is copy” was coined as a phrase in pre-internet days. Stuff that got written and published didn’t have the shelf life it does nowadays. Our children are growing up in a world where there’s a reasonable expectation that future bosses, friends and enemies will Google them.
So that being the case, I think we have quite a big responsibility to our children in particular to respect their current and future privacy. Our children have their own stories in life – they’re not just fodder for their parent’s stories. The older my children get the more I’m aware of this. So I don’t name them, and they have a different surname to me, and I don’t really blog about anything particularly private. That’s where my filter’s at. I think we all find the filter that’s right for us.
BTW that is a really beautiful picture, thank you for sharing it.
Thanks Joanne, and thank you for the insightful comment. Very wise, as ever. I think that’s a really valid point actually, that our children have their own stories and aren’t just there for content fodder. Your filter sounds very much switched at a similar level to mine.
I think we all learn what our filter levels are. I burned my bridges with the outlaws pretty early on, which is why I do not comment on them on the blog, but otherwise, my blog, my rules. I do not and will not put nasty tings about my children on it though, as I am aware they can grow up and read it. I for one would never want them to do that. Embarrassing things yes, but you will never see me write I wish I hadn’t had children or the like!
Very much with you on the nasty things bit. Once something is written it’s there forever, even if it gets deleted. x
What I am happy to post fluctuates and varies with my mood but you have certainly given me food for thought in a well written post x
Thank you – it had me pondering too. Interesting that what you’re happy to share changes with your mood, I’ve never thought of it that way before. Thanks for commenting. x
I wouldn’t say my blog is incredibly revealing of my innermost thoughts, but as more and more people in real life read it, I feel very restricted in what I write. I find myself blogging less about us and it becoming more of a craft type blog.
And a beautiful craft blog it is. x
I have one big filter, and that is, ‘would my children be embarrassed if they knew what I was sharing?’ Not relevant for The Baby yet, but it’s something that crosses my mind often now that my son is 6.5, going into Yr2 and increasingly computer-savvy. What would he think if, in a few years’ time, one of his friends unearthed something I’d written about him? I deliberately don’t name either child on my blog, and I avoid mentioning the name of his school, too. Facebook, I’m more relaxed about, but again, I wouldn’t share personal or particularly embarrassing details about their lives.
My only other filter is, ‘do I want my mum to read about this?!’
That sounds like a pretty good filter to have. It’s so easy to think “that’d make a great feature / blog post / radio link” without actually thinking through the repurcussions of posting. Shame so much of the embarrassing stuff is such great blog fodder!