I’d like to start this post with a disclaimer: I love Christmas. I like the sparkle and the glitter and the festive build-up and the sense of anticipation surrounding the main event itself. But I am not a fan of a certain craze that has swept across my Twitter, Instagram and Facebook timeline this weekend.
Elf on the Shelf is an American idea. It’s a little toy that parents purchase pre-December. Billed as a “special scout sent by Santa from the North Pole”, the elf is meant to keep an eye on kids, updating the naughty and nice list before the big day.
Often though, the elf doesn’t just stay on the shelf. He ventures out in the middle of the night to cause havoc in a corner of the house, ready to be found with much hilarity by the children the following morning. In short, it’s a way to build the sense of excitement throughout December, giving children something to look forward to each morning when they spring out of bed.
A way to improve behaviour and add a sense of fun at the same time? Surely that’s a win then? Well, no, actually. Not in my book anyway. Because, you see, from where I’m standing the Elf on the Shelf has become just another opportunity for one-up-mumship.
It’s only 2nd December, but I can already foresee Competitive Parent Syndrome rearing its ugly head as mums and dads try to out-do each other on social media to have the best “Elf Experience”. Who can come up with the most creative naughty elf scenario? Who can make the funniest elf scene? It’s a slippery slope, I’m telling you.
Putting one-up-mumship to one side though, this blasted elf is a constant reminder to those of us who don’t take part that we haven’t invested the time and energy on creating yet another Christmas tradition for our children. It’s not enough that my daughter has a homemade advent calendar, lovingly sourced presents and a variety of festive days out. No, I am not winning at motherhood this Christmas unless I get an elf too. And don’t forget – it’s not enough to just sit him on the shelf. I have to actually move him around every night and then take pictures of him too.
I hear stories of Elf Facebook groups and Elf Twitter profiles. In some families, I understand, the elf has his feet well and truly under the table. Apparently that’s just a way to ratchet up the fun too, because it’s not enough to give him a name. And now I’m left wondering where it will end. Will the elf have his own Klout score? Will we get “Elf Social Media Gurus” ready to offer advice to other elves who have fewer Facebook friends and Twitter followers?
I’m genuinely interested to know what you think about this. Am I being a complete Scrooge? Am I missing out on a magical family tradition that my daughter will forever hold against me when she grows up? Will I always be *that* awful mother who didn’t do the Elf on the Shelf thing?
I’d love to know what you think. Because, at the moment, I just want him to elf off.
We absolutely love our Elf! And we have not used him as a threat that Santa won’t come. Yes, the kids think that the Elf is watching their behavior but, more than anything, the Elf makes them smile. My little morning grumpster jumps out of bed and runs to his sister’s room so they can find the Elf and see what he has been up to. The first year the Elf arrived, I’ll admit that it felt like work. I woke up a few mornings in a panic because I’d forgotten to move him. But last year and this one have been so much fun! I’ve just let my imagination go with it and created all kinds of silly and sweet little scenes. If that makes me an OAM, then so be it. I know lots of people who find the Elves creepy, and I think that’s OK. It’s not for everyone. We all make our own choices, with no pressure to take on those of others. While I may have spent an hour gluing packing peanuts to a milk jug to make an Elf igloo, other moms were doing the laundry and some much needed cleaning… my house is dust bunny city right now, and I’m OK for these few weeks of Elf time. I’m building lego houses for an Elf, while many other moms are doing all the scrumptious holiday baking which I can’t even attempt for fear of burning down the house. So, no, I am not doing it all, and certainly not doing it anywhere close to perfectly. I’m just making a different choice.
I’d be throat punched too, for sure, it seems. For me, that sentiment is incredibly sad and a bit hurtful. Why judge what brings joy to another… why judge them, and why judge yourself if you make a different choice? I can assure you that I’m not thinking of anyone but my kiddos when I bring the Elf to life in a new way. And I enjoy the Elf as much as they do. After losing my brother in a horrific accident on Christmas Eve a few years ago, it helps to have this sweet, silly little face smiling at us and providing such a joyful distraction during a very painful time of year. This is likely the last year my kids will believe in Santa and the Elf, and I am milking it for all it is worth.
I do agree that moms feel pressure to compete, absolutely no denying it. But you could NEVER be an awful mom (or a better mom or a worse mom) for choosing what is best for YOUR family, whether the Elf or anything else. Merry Christmas to all!
No elf in our house. No Christmas tree yet. I love Christmas but I like to pace myself and enjoy a slow build up, then each thing seems all the more special.
When I first heard about him I sort of liked the idea but you know what I’m with you. I constantly feel like an underachieving mum (especially in the blogging fraternity) and this is just another thing. We have a wooden snowman advent calendar with little drawers to fill (that’s more than enough pressure) and he comes out every year. The girls take it in turns to open the drawers so getting 12 little things each (chocs, hairbands, stickers etc). I am not sure whether Bigger Miss still believes it is special fairies that fill it but Little Miss definitely does. The other thing with the Elf is that I actually think it would bring on disbelief quicker as both mine already don’t believe in any of the dressed up Santas (there’s just too many of them) and youngest is only 5. I think Bigger Miss (age 8 1/2) still believes in the ‘real Santa’ but I can’t be sure and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t believe in a stuffed elf!! Also I work extra hours (5 days a week) all the way through Oct, Nov and Dec in the run up to Xmas and it’s Little Miss’s birthday in a few days so I barely have time to blog and get ready for Christmas as it is.
One more thing for non elfers – I bet if you asked your real life friends and mums at school not into blogging/social media they wouldn’t have a frigging clue about the darned elf so it is just total social media pressure – so bleeeeuughhh to that. I have a real life too. 😉
Completely with you on this one, as don’t get the whole Elf idea myself! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas and everything that goes with it, but these elves sound ridiculous!
I blogged my thoughts on it last year if you’re interested in having a look… 🙂 http://castawaywithdreams.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/a-christmas-elf-coming-to-stay-er-no/
Great post! Your post echoes my thoughts too. I am a huge fan of Christmas, but I’m not going in for the Elf. Mind you, I’m loving hearing all the stories about what other people do. It just goes to show that not EVERYONE is in it for the elf competition!
I’m in the no elf camp too.I wrote a Fb status this morning saying I was going to hide all photos from my feed.He genuinely creeps me.I’m writing a post too but it won’t be as wordy and eloquently put as yours though 😉
I had never considered the elf until my 6 year old almost asked me if santa is real – he’s 6, far too early to not believe. So our knitted elf has come to try and make the magic last a few more years.
he isn’t getting up to mischief at all, but my boy has bought into it hook, line & sinker. It’s something we are doing at home and our elf won’t be having his own social media profile.
You make your own traditions and enjoy the time of year however works for your family.
Great post x
I agree with you here, there seem to be so many new ‘traditions’ this year, involving triple the expenditure and time, as if Christmas isn’t a busy enough time anyway – especially as a mother. My children will have plenty but I will not spoil them because everybody else is.
I love our Elf. This is her fourth Christmas with us. She’s cute, and not half as freaky looking as the ‘real’ elf. She doesn’t sit on the shelf, not does she report to Santa. Let’s face it – no one is *really* going to leave those lovingly chosen gifts in the attic instead of under the tree just because the elf witnessed some naughtiness, are they? So what’s the point in attempting to bribe them into behaving when the elf isn’t actually going to follow through on her threat to put the little darlings on the naughty list?
Our elf sometimes being gifts. Sometimes she sets tasks (like donating to the food bank, or making a tree decoration), sometimes she does funy things and sometimes she gets up to mischief. It’s a little bit of fun and a little bit magical, and definitely not competitive.
The first year we did it, I only knew a handful of people with elves. They’re obviously breeding from January to November!!
Oh god, the Elf gives me RAGE. I can’t even comment without getting snippy. That and Christmas trees and the entire house decorated from top to toe before the first of December.
I am a total Christmas fail if they are what I have to compare myself too.
I completely agree! I hate those little elves, A: because he’s ugly as sin and quite frankly, freaks me out a bit and B: because it just shows kids that naughty but funny behaviour is ok, especially if you’re being ‘cute’ while you do it!
I don’t think by not having one of the freaky little elf-men that we’re missing out on any magic, we create our own xmas magic! It really bores me seeing so many in my instagram feed, I don’t want to read about their activities on twitter, and if I see the stories on FB then I’ll just mute you for the rest of the month!
🙂
Loved the elf until I saw his price. Boy is dead against elf anyway. I explained the elf would watch him and report misdemeanours back to Father Christmas (a sort of undercover pixie). Boy covered his ears and said “No elf, no way.” Suspect elf may meet a messy end.
We have an elf. We’ve had him for 3 years (so before the craze really hit over here) and I love him.
I am what the blogger Jen from “People I want to punch in the throat” calls an Over Achieving Mom. If you’ve not read her blog you must, especially the elf on the shelf posts. She has a similar sentiment to you.
But, I am an O-A-M and proud of it. For me it’s not about one-up-mumship on other mums its more like one-up-mumship on myself. I love this kind of thing and love creating magic memories for my girl, just like my Mum did. I love making it better and more exciting every year. I thrive on making these magic experiences. But that’s just me. I have the time to do it, being a work at home mum. I have time to plan it, move him each night, arrange the little gifts he can bring every now and then (things she would have had anyway but the elf brings them instead of us) and take photos of him and post on social media and my blog. I enjoy it, and why shouldn’t I?
I do not judge those who don’t do it though, it’s not about that. It’s about me and my girl. I know there are parents out there who are all about looking good, but we’re not all like that, and those that are aren’t worth your thoughts anyway.
Who cares who does it and who doesn’t and I’m not just talking about the elves now, I’m talking about anything we do as parents? You do what you do, I do what I do and, I’m guessing here but I bet we’re both happy with who we are, who our kids are and the memories we’re making for them.
Right, off to plan tonights elf movements 🙂 x
I knitted an elf, I refuse to join in with Elf on the Shelf but I do like the idea of having something H wakes up for in the morning that we’ve concocted a scenario with the night before – but then we do all like playing tricks on each other and we’re all shattered, so anything which gets us out of bed is a good thing. School, work and all that.
Having said that, I refuse to buy advent calendars with chocolate in them – she’s only four! We’ve always done traditional picture ones (and this year H is opening our old 2009 Lego Pirates one we saved and re-boxed) which is much more fun. Next year I quite fancy trying something home made – that gives me a year to make some small boxes to put things in. This year I don’t care what anyone else is doing, I like what we’re doing.
It was making my head hurt because i couldn’t understand what it was until I read your post. Now I know I still have a headache!
I’m not sure where the perception that there is an undercurrent of competitiveness amongst parents when it comes to a little stuffed Elf has come from. I for one am certainly not competitive, largely because if I was I suspect I would find life incredibly disappointing.
I think it’s just a bit of fun and who couldn’t do with a little more fun in their life? Eh?
I hate that creepy little fecker. That is all.
Never heard of it! Am I that old?
I’m not a fan of the elf. Apart from anything the ones I’ve seen pictures of are scary-looking enough to give ME nightmares, let alone the kids!
I am in general not a big fan of the long, drawn-out pre-Christmas build-up. Kids get so terribly over excited. I’ve already had my three year old in tears twice over Christmas stuff, and it’s only December 2nd!
No, I’ll be leaving it as late as possible to put my decorations up, and will ignore this new elf-pressure. Bah! Humbug!
No elves here either, my life is stressful enough without worrying what the elf is doing…. the tooth fairy forgot to come for three whole nights this year. I do enjoy some of the pictures, but I think that’s because I am not joining in, there is no competitiveness.
And and and… When the elf is naughty what is that teaching the little ones? It’s ok that he is naughty but you must be good or he’ll tell Santa?
Eh?
Sorry. I’ll go now.
If there was an elf on a shelf in this house there’d absolutely be no Jo Malone for me this year! There would probably be equally as little hope for any future kids we may have. Thanks for the education though, had absolutely no idea what it was!
Our elf (Steve) is currently swinging from a tinsel wreath I had vague intentions of crafting into something more interesting before I remembered I’m rubbish at things like that. Though, to be honest, we only have him because I won him last year, and I could really live without him.
hee hee hee hee hee. I am an elf lover *runsawayveryquickly*
I really like The Imagination Tree’s Kindness Elves. Talitha and I are doing an activity (sometimes a VERY small one) each day in Advent so it’s just a little extension of that, except it’s all about kindness – the elves leave notes noticing lovely things that are happening in your home or suggesting something you can do for someone else. I much prefer that because 1. we’re not big on Santa and 2. I don’t like the idea of using threats for behaviour. What you’re talking about could be applied to so much of what we blog about or otherwise post about at Christmas time if we let ourselves get carried away.
Phew I was a bit worried that my son was missing out! We don’t even have an advent calendar. I keep saying next year when he is a bit older. Even the Christmas presents will be small. I’m just keeping it simple.
One word – imagination.
I love letting my littlies use THEIR own imagination and I just think the freaky looking elf doesn’t do that so we opted out.
Instead we have a Christmas fairy.
She doesn’t monitor behaviour (that’s my job) she doesn’t behave like a drunk teen on gin (again, my job- ha I’m kidding!) no photos of her because she’s an image in my littlies head.
She leaves glitter (sorry, fairy dust) around when she stops by and this cause so much excitement. She delivered advent calendars to countdown to Christmas and throughout December she’ll pop by and leave little activities for the littlies to enjoy in the run up to Christmas.
The elf freaks me out, so I did look for a cuter version but when my timeline was crowded with elf mishaps and mischief I stopped myself joining in.
I’m happy everyone’s getting into the Christmas spirit – I LOVE Christmas, but I love our own magic. Our own Christmas traditions, so for now, no freaky elf on my shelf.
You are not alone. I’m not doing it, and I have no desire to want to. I would rather my boys be good because I have asked them to be, not because of “an elf”.
I can see the competition on Instagram. It worries me that maybe some can’t see the competition side of it and are in it without realising.
There’s the elf and this year the little door and I worry that the traditional story of Santa is being lost x
No elves here…..
I don’t think we need an Elf to make Christmas special……The simple things like a bite out of the mince pie left for FC or a snowy footprint discovered in the early hours are enough in our house and long may it continue!!
It won’t be long before my Big ones stop believing, but until they do we will keep up the small, simple but heartfelt efforts to keep the magic alive…..no Elf required……
Molly, loving the irony of reading this excellent post while I sew the hair on to my elf. I don’t have a competitive bone on my body, and I’m embracing the elf thing this year as a way of sticking two fingers up to what has been a tough year and giving us all a giggle. But, I totally agree with the flip-side of the coin you present, and would encourage you not to feel any obligation whatsoever to get the bloomin’ sewing machine out…. x
I am anti-elf. It’s another cost, another pressure. I have xmas eve pjs, and advent calendars and milk and carrots on xmas eve, stockings and trees. I also have present buying, wrapping, cards etc etc. Really do we need to add anything else to the list?
I can do my own parenting in December I don’t need an elf to do it for me. I would happily take each elf out individually with an air rifle. Extreme moi?
it’s good not to be a sheep….you will develop your own family traditions that are ‘yours’ and not ones that you have adopted because you think you should have them….do not suffer the mother guilt!
x
I agree. I had no clue why so many elves were appearing on my Instagram feed until someone kindly explained. All feels a bit competitive and also, isn’t it teaching kids different ways to be naughty when you’re trying to encourage them to be good to ensure Father Christmas comes?