Photo credit: Katch
This time last year I was officially still on maternity leave, but had started to build a portfolio leading to a new life as a Work At Home Mum.
Despite being busy trying to fit in 30 hours of work around looking after our baby 24/7, I was pretty much in charge of everything domestic. From cooking to washing, dishwasher unloading to the occasional dusting spree, the house was my domain. The (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine had two duties: putting the bins out and being in charge of the barbecue.
How terribly 2012.
Anyway, fast-forward a year and I now work more hours than my husband. As well as holding down a full time job presenting a breakfast radio show, I also earn money writing. This means I put in approximately 55 to 60 hours a week. And I’m on sole mum duties in the afternoon, between 1 or 2pm and 6.30pm (the plus side of early hours means I still get afternoons with Frog).
But the division of labour in our home is arguably less than equal.
My husband tends to cook at the weekends. But because he’s often not back from work until after Frog and I eat our supper, I still do the bulk of cooking in the week. He tends to the bin. And will often wave a hoover around on a Saturday morning. But other forms of cleaning – the bathroom in particular – fall to me.
And don’t even get me started on the washing machine.
I like to think we share much of the daily grind of living. Because of my early hours, the NLM is in charge of getting our spirited toddler up in the morning, dressing her (although I put her outfits out the night before – lest I find her dressed in a pair of tights and a T’shirt, which has happened, more than once) and getting her to the childminder’s before he begins his own day at work.
The NLM does the weekly food shop. In fact, he takes this responsibility incredibly seriously, downloading meal planning apps and categorising his shopping list.
But the washing machine. Well, it evades him.
The weekend before last, for example, I was away for the brilliant Cybher conference. I returned home to a washing basket which had become so full, it had vomited much of its contents over the floor.
When quizzed about the various opportunities to “stick a load on” and peg the washing out in the sunshine, the NLM professed ignorance. “But I didn’t know what could go in the machine and what couldn’t”, he said. “Plus, how do I know which setting to put it on?”. Gritting my teeth, I offered a step-by-step rundown detailing how to operate this complicated piece of machinery.
The outcome? Three days later, I asked my beloved to pop some items in the wash before he came to bed.
“But how do I know which setting to put it on?” he protested. Followed by, “And which drawer does the tablet go in?”. Chased with, “Do I need any of that stuff that makes it go soft?”. Completed with, “What temperature should it be on?”
*Big fat massive sigh*
So I guess the washing is still my domain then.
What’s the division of labour like in your home? Some comparisons would be nice…
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I’m linking this post up to Circus Queen who is hosting #FeministFriday this week.
We have pretty much the same thing. The OH is a SAHD to our three, and I work full time. I know how tough it is looking after ours (2x 1yo, 1x 3yo) so days where I’m working from home I do as much as possible . But! It does seem he gets a life when I finish work, where my life becomes the family, and there are just some things he won’t do- hoovering, cleaning the kitchen/ bathroom, separating whites/ colours/ darks….
It’s a real ‘breathe through it’ for me. He does do the cooking and shopping and the washing up…. it’s just why there are things he just won’t do that causes my exasperation!
I hear you – “me time”… what’s that?!
Vast majority of domestic duties fall to NotBlondeHusband. I’ve always stunk at housework and he’s far better at cooking than I am. I work from home and balancing that what everything can be tough! Luckily I have a husband who does WAY more than his fair share.
I’ve got to say, it’s pretty even in my house. That never ceases to surprise me because growing up anything to do with the house was definitely my mum’s job. It’s one of the things we talked about before we got married though. That certainly helped.
OMG, you’ve hit on my biggest bug-bear with my husband at the moment! The darned washing machine. Most recent misdemeanour was after he came back from a fishing trip. I am sure he felt he was being helpful by leaving his fish-stinking clothes by the washing machine, rather than putting them in the washing bag. It would seem that the idea of putting them into the washing machine, perhaps even adding in some other similar things and washing them, is beyond him. It never used to be, we used to split everything 50:50 before parenthood. He was brilliant at doing lots whilst I was officially on maternity leave. But since I became a SAHM and have now transitioned to a WAHM, things aren’t quite going as I would like! I must admit I took on a cleaner at the start of the year, something had to give. But there is still so much to do around the house, not to mention all the admin – insurance, bills, booking holidays. We are going to be having some serious words soon – not angry ones, but laying down the new laws ones – there is only so much I am prepared to put up with!!!
Dad2BabyInsomniac has never cleaned the bathroom in the nine years that we have been together! And he will walk past piles of washing on the stairs for days without thinking to clear it up but he definitely does his fair share with Iyla and he has got better at doing the washing-up but I do have to ask him. I think if I worked more hours then him then I would try and get him to do more but he would probably do such a bad job that I would do it anyway! x
This is true. I’m very much the same. Although I’m sure sometimes it’s a tactical battle – he does it wrong so I re-do it and don’t ask him to help next time! x
I think I may be the exception here, in our house I clean the bathroom and do at least half the hoovering.
Cooking is shared depending on who is least tired or if I’ve worked from home. I do washing if I’m at home but wifey tends to most of it simply because she is at home every day.
My view is I can’t be at home during the day to help with the babies so the least I can do is help with the housework.
Blimey. Good work!
If I had had boys rather than girls then they would have been fully domesticated. He can work a computer, then he can work a washing machine, Don’t give up. Love ma x
We’re getting there!
Hoovering? Weekly shop? Morning child-care? You’ve got it made, love. I once asked the Vicar to see to the washing and he phoned me at work because he didn’t know where the pegs were kept. I once asked him to do some dusting and he said he’d never learnt how. He does, however, keep a special duster in his dog collar drawer with which to polish his iPad.
Ah – but does he let you borrow said iPad? Makes up for lack of domesticity, if so…
I forwarded your blog post to him indoors (2 rooms away, we both work from home now), this is how it was the first baby time round for us too. Fast forward 20 years, yes 20! to our second child and we are definitely sharing the load. I do remember going away once when no.1 child was little and Mr J said he knew what I did but didn’t realise how long it all took & how do you work the washing machine?? I can laugh heartily now but back then it was bit stressful!
But he makes a mean cheese pasta
Yes – cooking is one of his strong points!
I am a man. Washing machines are simple. Lights and darks separate. The correct cycle is always number three, regardless of contents. Use the squidgy tablets that go in the drum to negate the need to negotiate the drawer (which IS confusing). Leave out anything which looks like it might not appreciate being washed on the settings of cycle three (this is unlikely to be any item the man wears, in my experience).
But overall, I’m well aware that I don’t do as much around the house as Mrs L. Cooking and washing up is split 50:50, laundry too, but I have selective blindness where dust is concerned…
You know how to use a washing machine?! You are the perfect man! In all fairness, the NLM’s dad does a lot of their washing, so I know it’s possible. Think the NLM may be having me on as a way to avoid doing it. But I am wise to his ways… bwah ha ha ha ha ha…
We have a pretty fair division of labour, but that said I am a task master and I used to give Drew a list with tick boxes for each day of the week with his jobs on!
It is hard at the moment with my arm, as he has to do pretty much everything, but he is a keeper my fella!
Definitely sounds like a keeper to me! x
Mine ‘big hairy northern one’ is alright at the odd thing, or spontaneous stuff. But the daily drudgery just doesn’t seem to be a possibility for him.
So bins – tick.
Keeping the kitchen in a vague sense of order over the weekend – fail apart from once a month
Washing – once in a blue moon when I’d planned something else
etc etc
Despite having been off work for 4 months due to redundancy! I’m getting tougher, and clearer with my descriptions & explanations of what I need to happen now ;o) Also got a cleaner a couple of hours a week so that I don’t feel like a drudge.
But doing the shopping – I’m impressed with your NLM!
It’s true, shopping is an area he excels in! But, like you, if something needs to be done he generally needs it pointing out. He wouldn’t notice if the washing had piled up until he ran out of clean shirts for work. Is that ever something that will change?!