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Guilt wine
What is it about parenthood and guilt?
My life seems to revolve around a continual cycle of guilt at the moment; guilt at working too hard, guilt at not working hard enough, guilt at spending too little time with my toddler, guilt at worrying about spending too little time with my toddler, guilt at eating too much, guilt at eating too little, the list goes on and on and on.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
It’s exhausting. And also, totally pointless.
The thing is, I think I’m partly motivated by guilt. As much as I hate to admit it, the pangs of guilt that I experience every hour of the day – that unanswered email, that chocolate biscuit, that “I’ll be there in a second darling” moment – all help stop me giving up completely and slumping on the sofa with a jumbo packet of crisps while my toddler jumps on me. In a way, the guilt keeps me going, doing, striving and being.
Then again, it’s not particularly healthy to feel guilty all the time. And also, not particularly nice.
Pangs of guilt stop the enjoyment of a chocolate biscuit, for example. They can mar the deliciousness of an afternoon doing nothing much but cuddling up on the sofa with a sleepy two year old. In short, pangs of guilt may be motivating, but they’re not much fun.
So, from now on, I’m going to try really really hard to give up the guilt and be a bit easier on myself.
Just one question – how?!
Do you ever suffer from guilt pangs? How did you let them go? How do you get the balance right so the guilt doesn’t rule you, just keeps you on the straight and narrow? I’m listening.
I work full time. Lovely Bloke works term time, school hours. Even though he is at home with them I still have an element of guilt because I think there is no one and nothing that is as good as me being with them.
If it takes 21 days to change a habit, why not set yourself 3 things to look for each day, for 21 days, that your children are doing without you, that’s something you wouldn’t do with them, that they are experiencing differently, that they are learning and growing with, because you’re off doing something else…..
For example – today my boys have played on their tractors until they’ve run out of battery, fallen off their climbing frame, seen a lamb being born at the farm opposite our house and god only knows what else. And that’s because they’ve been with daddy and their grandad.
I’d never have had them outside for so long! I’d have decided it was too cold, that I was tired of them dicing with death swinging from monkey bars and that I didn’t want to stand around and see a lamb coming out of a sheep’s bum.
Tomorrow morning, they will watch nature programmes that give me the willies whilst I get blogs done for clients. It doesn’t have to be big stuff.
I’ve got to go, as someone needs their bum wiping. x
I love that way of looking at things. And I also love your beautiful depiction of lamb birthing! x
I would have said sheep’s Arse, aside from that I am team Liz
I couldn’t decide whether to use ass, arss or arse – what’s the right way to spell it? So I used bum instead. The A word is what I was thinking of :)))
I have no idea how to not do guilt. I was raised Catholic – I have guilt written all the way through me like a stick of rock. I’ll be following this for advice though, it would be good to feel happy with at least some choices, some of the time!x
My approach is pretty simple, when I feel that guilt I look at Henry and Matilda and ask myself if they look happy. Are they in need of anything? Do they really care if I took them to the park or spent an hour lying on the floor while they clambered all over me? No they couldn’t care less, they are blissfully unaware of all that stress and just want to do another puzzle
Oh and I run every day so I don’t have to feel guilty about that bar of chocolate
Damn you! I think if I did more exercise (and had more time for it!) I may have one less thing to feel guilty about. It’s a healthy attitude you have. I’m going to try that one myself. Thank you for your wise words!
I try to use this as well; look at my son and how happy and confident he is and decide that clearly, we are doing well.
I don’t exercise though so I have to stick with the chocolate guilt!
I’m the same and the guilt drives me to more guilt-inducing behaviour, like 4 glasses of wine instead of 1. I’m just back from holiday and I’ve decided a glass of wine a night is fine! And if the kids are happy it’s fine. And when they’re not, I always respond, so it’s fine.
I’ll let you know if I still feel fine next week…
Ha – you and me both!
If your children are happy, loved, warm, fed, clothed and cuddled you are winning.
I need to print this out and stick it around my house. Love this mantra.
I fear that if I gave up feeling guilt, I’d feel guilty.
This is true. We are rather alike in that respect!
Yes, yes and yes. So true. We are all erm guilty of the guilt. It’s just ingrained in us isn’t it; striving to juggle and balance and work and be supermums…it’s a silly ideal we are trying to pursue because like everything in life, some days being everything to everyone is just not possible. Some days we just have to do our best and look at the bigger picture.
Like everyone said, if the kids are healthy and happy then you’re doing well. For me, I know if I didn’t have a creative outlet be it my blog or writing commitments, I wouldn’t feel fulfilled. I need it and (and don’t apologise for it), to be the best mum I can. I have the upmost respect for SAHM’s as it’s the hardest job of all but there’s always compromises to be made in life.
I try to only do a little work on weekends and I get outdoors as much as possible, running in the park with the kids and enjoying life as much as I can-sacred, quality family time makes for more guilt free work times in the week for me! Great post x
Guilt really is ingrained isn’t it? And oh so unhealthy! But it sounds like you’re managing the balance well. *makes note to get to the park more often*