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Since becoming a mum, I’ve been pretty pants at treating myself. There always seems to be something else that is more important; my daughter needs something, my husband needs something, the house needs something. Whatever it is, nine times out of ten, I will prioritise that one thing above the one thing I had planned to do or buy for myself.
Not this weekend.
On Friday, I made a decision. As I drove home from work, I passed – on impulse – the junction I usually take on the motorway. Instead, I drove a few more miles so I could take a solo trip to the supermarket. Whilst there, I bought a few bits for supper, a huge mixture of bubble solution for my toddler, plus a brilliant red nail varnish and a bottle of Prosecco for myself. And I didn’t allow myself to feel a hint of guilt.
On Friday night, after putting my two year old to bed, I poured myself a glass of bubbles and settled down to paint my toenails and my fingernails. I didn’t even switch my computer on – the emails could wait.
It felt good, this indulgence. Rather than feeling guilty at doing something just for myself, I felt pleased.
I used to read around two to three books a month, often before going to bed. Now, I never read. I’m too tired or too busy to pick up a book, unless I have a few days off. Reading was such a huge part of who I was, that I’m embarrassed to say it’s a pleasure I rarely indulge in any more. I never treat myself. I rarely buy clothes for myself. In the supermarket, I browse the aisles, looking for the things I know my husband and daughter love. I come home and unpack them, excited to see their reactions. And then I wonder why it’s always me who gets the treats, me bothering to make things nice, me being the thoughtful one.
The thing is, it’s absolutely my own fault. If you’re happy to give and make things nice and look after people, they will be happy too. If you don’t put yourself first EVER, why should anyone else? If you don’t sometimes just throw your hands in the air and say, “I’M doing THIS right now, because it’s something I want to do” then how will anyone know? People are not mind readers, after all.
Yesterday, we went into town. I bought a pair of trainers, a pair of wellies and a pair of slippers for my growing child. And then I bought two tops, a pair of trousers and two pairs of shoes for myself. Wandering back to the car, I spied a specialist cheese shop, hidden along an alleyway next to one of those bridal boutique stores. “Wouldn’t it be nice to buy some posh cheese one time?” I mused to my husband. “Let’s get some now,” he said. “Go on, for tonight. You love cheese – when was the last time you had some nice cheese?”
So I did.
I went in to this posh cheese shop and spent a good ten minutes tasting little nuggets of cheese. I spent over a tenner on fancy cheese and crackers, excited by my haul and laughing with my husband at being “ridiculously indulgent”.
I ate some of my fancy pants cheese last night. And I wore my shoes today. And I looked at my nails while I drank a gin and tonic on a family trip to our local beer garden.
And I smiled.
Because sometimes, you know, you just have to treat yourself. And I don’t even feel guilty.
Emma @mummymummymum said:
Yay, well done you. I’m exactly the same. xx
Molly said:
Important to treat ourselves every now and I again I think. I know I’m happier for it today!
Helen said:
Perfect!!
Molly said:
It was!
Stephs Two Girls said:
You’re so right. Especially the bit about others not being mind readers. Sometimes it’s just so difficult to stop and take the time though. Think you’ve given me the push I need though – after I’ve planned and executed a happy family day tomorrow that is…!
Molly said:
I’m always guilty of getting cross that people can’t read my mind – but then, why would they?! Hope you managed to put your feet up and indulge yourself at some point this weekend!
Melksham Mum said:
I desperately need to follow your lead on this one. I need to plan an early exit from work so I can sneak to the shops too! Lovely shoes all round
Molly said:
Make it a priority next week – promise?!
littleeandbean said:
I think this will ring true to 99% of mummy’s!! I feel exactly the same. Most of the time I don’t even process the fact that this is the status quo because, like you, I love buying stuff for other people. But if I’m feeling tired or in need of a treat I get frustrated that its not me being pampered and treated. We recently had the “I’m not a mind reader!” conversation in my house. I’m a ‘tad’ controlling too (I know exactly what I like) so I’ve created a Pinterest board with treat ideas that the OH can get for me. Now I’ve typed that out I realise how OCD I sound!
I feel quite inspired by this post. Definitely going to treat myself somehow next week x
Molly said:
Sounds like a good idea – at least you’ll know you’ll get a treat you’ll actually like!
Mammasaurus said:
Nail varnish always makes me feel good – or a lipstick. Something little just to lift my spirits! I am guilty of assuming everyone around me just knows how I feel at all times when of course – they don’t!
Molly said:
I think loads of us are guilty of that! And you’re so right about the nail varnish and lipstick.
Butwhymummywhy said:
Yes. Yes. Yes. I love everything about this post! It’s good to be ridiculously indulgent some times. Xx
Molly said:
It really is – and we shouldn’t feel guilty!
looking for blue sky said:
I love it all, and I especially want those perfect nails! I’m lucky if I remember to cut mine: another treat that I really should schedule
Molly said:
It’s funny how just something small like having your nails painted can make you feel so much better. Or is that just me?!
older mum in a muddle said:
Lovely post… and I could really do with a day like this myself! Can’t remember the last time I had my nails done!
Molly said:
The last time I had my nails *properly* done was before my wedding, nearly two years ago. I would LOVE to get them done again, by someone who actually knows what they’re doing!
Brinabird said:
Something important for every mum to take on board!
Molly said:
I’m sure there are many of us in the same boat!
helloitsgemma said:
nice shoes, what you wanna do is come to a city, you know, one with nice cool shops and spend, you could sit in a cafe or too – oh and visit me!!!
Molly said:
I know where we could go for dinner and everything…
HonestMum said:
LOVE both your shoes and your nails…need some cheese visuals now! You must treat yourself-a long soak in the bath and buy Tina Fey’s Bossypants, leave it in the loo and laugh yourself silly in there-that’s what I do!
Molly said:
If only our boiler would allow me enough hot water to soak in a deep, warm bath. It’s my absolute favourite!
Ruth said:
Hurrah! This post made me so happy, it’s very lovely to see you treating yourself and you’re definitely my kind of girl – a night in with some posh cheeses sounds dreamy! Xx
Molly said:
You simply can’t beat a bit of posh cheese. It was pretty delicious!
Mum2BabyInsomniac said:
Ah I could so do with treating myself right now! You are right, I am always buying things for everyone else and I don’t even have any clothes that fit me at the moment other than 4 pairs of leggings that I wore when I was pregnant, and they won’t be much good in the sun! Xx
Molly said:
You definitely deserve a little shopping trip – do it! x