Comments on: On not having a plan

By: Middle-aged Matron

Middle-aged Matron — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 08:28:07 +0000

Age has taught me that long-term life plans are dangerous becuase you feel you’ve failed if they don’t work out. Making the most of the here and now with hopes (not plans) for the future is now my preferred option. And you’ve got loads of time yet to decide whether you want another baby.

By: Circus Queen

Circus Queen — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 12:00:18 +0000

It can be incredibly freeing not to have a plan. Who can say that a plan will make things go the way we want them to anyway? A smaller or bigger age gap doesn’t necessarily decide how well our families work.

My daughter is a full year younger than yours and I’m constantly getting the “when are you going to have another?” I just say we will when we’re ready but actually if we’d been able to follow our “Plan” I would have two children right now. And you know what? I see friends with children close together and just think “Better they than me!”

For now I’m just enjoying what we do have than concentrating energies on what we don’t.

By: mymummylife

mymummylife — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 21:07:15 +0000

As you know, we have a five-year gap between our children. That was not The Plan either; we didn’t want another child at all, until, well, we decided we did. We had lots of, ‘Was it an accident?’ comments from relatives, and I’m sure some of them still don’t believe it was planned, but what the heck. I have never had much of a life plan, nor ambitions that I had to achieve by a specific date, but I find that life ticks along quite nicely when we’re just going with the flow. And bigger age gaps are great

By: looking for blue sky

looking for blue sky — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 18:29:49 +0000

I stuck to the plan – a baby every 5 years – but life still threw lots of curve balls my way. I think your way is better x

By: Kate Hayden-Ellis

Kate Hayden-Ellis — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:14:20 +0000

My plan with my first was to NOT have a plan (actually the only plan I had was to NOT have an episiotomy) I could see other mum’s becoming very obsessed with their plans and then the labour would start and a lot of stress would happen as The Plan would slowly dribble out of sight, while they fort to gain control on this said Plan.
How can you truly prepare for something when you have no idea how you’ll be able to deal with the pain or how the baby will decide to come out?
I think plans create anxiety which creates more cortisol in the body which isn’t good.

‘Trees that don’t bend with the wind, won’t last the storm’

:o)

By: Mary at Keynko

Mary at Keynko — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:37:50 +0000

Plans? never heard of them! We have stumbled through the last 24 years together, mostly making it up as we go along. We trip up every so often, things leap up and surprise us and at times it gets very fraught and tense. But we take a step back, count our blessings (2 amazing, intelligent, beautiful, hardworking and funny children, a house full of laughter, love and good friends, 3 slightly strange cats and an extended family who are always there for each other) and think to ourselves – stuffit – how needs a plan – life should be a surprise! Go with whats good for you and yours and if other people don’t like it, who cares! And there’s 5 years between my 2 and in my opinion thats the perfect size gap!

By: Amy R

Amy R — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:19:16 +0000

My husband and I live abroad – 4 countries in 3 years – so having a plan is always kind of pointless. Since we got married last year we never cease to be amazed by the the amount of people who ask us if we’re expecting, or have ‘news’ for them, and I have to admit it baffles me on so many levels. For one, do they really expect that we’d like to start a family in such an unstable situation (we’re currently waiting to move to an African country not long out of civil war – a place we have never been to)? But also, why do they think that marriage equals kids? We’d love to have a baby/babies at some point in the future, it might even be soon, but the pressure from other people is overwhelming. You’d think in your case, having a baby already would be enough to ward them off for the time being!

By: Mrs C

Mrs C — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:18:59 +0000

I think it takes guts not to have a plan. Guts that I wish I had. Good luck to the three of you x

By: Molly

Molly — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:14:27 +0000

We’re all different and I absolutely know what you mean about it helping you to feel secure. Only problem is when things are up in the air and the plan falls apart. I think, for me, there’s a happy medium to be had between having some kind of idea about what you want and also accepting that things don’t always neatly fit in the box, so to speak. Thank you for your lovely comment. x

By: Molly

Molly — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:12:59 +0000

What a lovely comment, thank you. It’s really interesting to hear other views on this as I know we all do things differently. I guess in our relationship, I’m more of the planner, while my husband is laid back and coasts along, but there are times when you have to accept the plan doesn’t always fit real life!