A family wedding on one side of the country, an unexpected hospital admission (not me), followed by an eventual 8 hour journey and anxious waiting, has meant work – and the Internet has had to take a back seat this week.

Until Sunday night, this wasn’t going to be the case. It was only when I actually managed to get online and tried to figure out the logistics of doing the work I needed to do, without access to the Internet, that I realised I had to take a step back. Actually, another wise person made me realise it. I believe the actual words were: “Take the week off. There are more important things than the Internet.” (Told you they were wise words.)

It was one of those “epiphany moments”. In a flash, I understood that so much of my life depends on being online and being “connected” that when other things get in the way (someone I love falling ill, being in hospital, being in a place with no Internet, etc etc) I can’t cope. I’m ashamed that it took someone else to remind me about the important things, to help me gain a bit of perspective.

Thing is, not only do I hate letting people down – be they clients, friends, blog readers – but I hate feeling like I’m missing out.

I’ve become so used to taking a quick pic and bunging it on Instagram if I’m doing something mildly interesting (drinking a glass of wine / eating chocolate / being drawn on by my child) that the thought of not doing that was how I imagine a smoker may feel about giving up cigarettes.

I was reading a piece in The Guardian by Stuart Heritage recently about going without TV for two days a week. He discovered he suffers from “FOMO” – Fear Of Missing Out. And it’s something I realised I suffer from too. What’s Twitter talking about? What’s my Facebook feed look like today? Who’s eating what on Instagram? I have a serious social media FOMO problem.

It’s not just that though. There’s something more.

When I finally arrived at my parents’ place in Devon (more house stuff to sort – don’t ask) the first thing I wanted to do was take a picture of the view outside the window and put it on Facebook. It was like I couldn’t properly enjoy it without sharing it with the rest of the world. That’s when something my dad said in jest rang true: “There’s nothing like the loneliness of unshared experience”. It’s a quote, apparently. But oh – what a brilliant quote it is.

Perhaps if you blog, use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, this is something that strikes a chord with you too. When was the last time you were doing something really lovely, or your kid said something funny, or you were eating a tasty pudding, or just looking at a beautiful view – and you didn’t share it online?

I can tell you when mine was: today. But that’s only because I couldn’t get online.

So tell me, are experiences as good if you can’t share them?

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There, I said it.

She accidentally discovered Facebook on my phone the other day, closing down Twitter due to the lack of pictures. I think she was searching for YouTube but can’t be sure. At the tender age of two and a half she is a social media queen. I hate it.

I never meant for her to use my phone, but there are times when 5 Little Monkeys on YouTube is the only way to avoid the Hugest Tantrum Known To Man in the middle of the supermarket. You’ve got to do what you need to sometimes, right?

Anyway, back to Facebook. I’ve banned it, but the ban seems to make her want to “do Facebook” even more. She likes to look at the cute pictures of babies in my timeline and laugh as she spots someone she knows in real life. She also likes to “like” Every. Single. Status update she sees and accidentally comment with witticisms like “dhrghnm04 rtj=s.xjgh;wiouy“.

Either way, I’ve become resigned to the knowledge that I may be able to stop this behaviour now, but at some point this child is going to cost me some serious internet money. It goes without saying Unlimited Broadband will be non-negotiable (it’s bad enough with two parents who rely on the internet for work).

What I’d rather she was doing

I know, deep down, I have only myself to blame. In an ideal world my toddler wouldn’t even know what a mobile phone was – let alone Facebook and YouTube. She would never see me surreptitiously check my emails while cooking her tea and she’d be ignorant of the benefits of Twitter.

In an ideal world I wouldn’t rely so heavily on my apps and wireless networks and constantly be on the lookout for free Wifi hotspots when we’re out and about.

In an ideal world I’d live in the mountains where they filmed the Sound of Music, raising a singing angel, ignorant of technology and only cooking wholesome recipes devised by my own fair hand – not nicked off a top foodie blogger.

Never going to happen is it?

***

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No matter how mouldy, muddy or sparse the grass is on the other side of the fence, it’s always greener than mine.

When I was on maternity leave I regularly sighed after my friends who were conversing with other adults at work. When I worked from home I sighed after the old days of non-working, devoted baby time. Now I go out to a workplace AND work at home, I sigh after just the working from home status.

The grass is always greener. Contentment is always on the other side of the fence.

And the internet doesn’t help my inner grassy feelings.

Facebook makes me want other people’s partners, the type who lead to status updates of this variety – “xxx has just been cooked dinner by her wonderful husband!”

Twitter makes me want other people’s wit.

Instagram makes me want other people’s homes, crafting abilities, food, clothes, social life.

And blogging? All of the above.

It’s true. The internet makes me jealous.

I am coveting that beautiful Cath Kidston tablecloth you own. I am lusting after your stunning kitchen. I am pining for your children’s boutique Swedish designer clothes. I am full of remorse that I can’t sew as well as you. Or cook as well as you. Or weekend as well as you.

I want your life.

And then I look up from my computer or phone screen and see this…

And I laugh.

And I think, “Nah, actually. You can keep your life. Mine’s really rather alright.”

The post The internet makes me jealous appeared first on Mother's Always Right.

What a photo looks like when it's not prettied up by Instagram

This was the sign that mocked me for 24 hours last weekend.

The photo is desperately ugly, showing my clunky keyboard in all its 1990s glory. That’s what happens when you take a picture on your phone, without using Instagram. This is just one of the things I realised during my 24 hour ban.

The blackout was necessary as part of my show on Heart. (So hellish was it, that I blogged about it there too. Clearly, I felt deprived of blogging to write about the same subject twice in as many days.)

The challenge came after I expressed a total lack of surprise at a story in the news last week. Apparently lots of people would rather do without heating and running water than the internet. Seems obvious really. I mean, I use the internet for pretty much everything, but I can always put on a jumper if the heating goes down or run outside to the nearest massive puddle if the water stops.

My colleagues were aghast though. “You use the internet all the time?” They asked. “Couldn’t you go without it for even a day?” They asked. “Are you addicted?” They asked.

*ahem*

So to prove that I wasn’t addicted, I joined up with Aly who blogs at Plus 2.4 and began an internet blackout that lasted from 8pm Friday to 8pm Saturday. In the name of science, the ban extended to the entire family. No gaming for the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine. No Spotify for either of us. No YouTube Wheels on the Bus action for Frog.

I thought it would be easy.

And at times it was. Like on Friday evening when my husband and I settled down to watch a film. It was relaxing to be able to watch the film without feeling the urge to tweet about it. But it was less relaxing to have to choose a rubbish title because we couldn’t use the Love Film streaming service.

And everything took so long.

Need the number for the local Chinese takeaway? Of course you can’t look it up online. That’s cheating. You have to use Yellow Pages like you live in 1992. Except the Yellow Pages has disappeared so you have to actually ring a directory enquiry service. Expensive and time-consuming.

And then on Saturday morning, there’s no perusing of recipe blogs and websites to plan the meals and the supermarket shop for the following week. We were reduced to the one recipe book we own, The Student Survival Handbook from 2003. It’s no wonder we’ve had baked beans every night since Saturday.

In the supermarket there was panic. (Clearly a trip to the supermarket was required, as online shopping was out of the question.) Realising that he didn’t know if he’d yet been paid, the NLM went to check his account through the App on his phone. But of course, that wasn’t allowed either. So he had to dash out of the supermarket, leaving his trolley behind, and queue in the pouring rain for 15 minutes to check his balance at the cashpoint.

I missed about a gazillion cute moments. Every picture I took on Saturday ended up being deleted. Stuff just doesn’t look cool when you’re used to the Instagram filter.

And don’t even get me started about the lack of email ability. By 7pm I was desperate to peruse my inbox and check to see if any vital emails from clients had gone unanswered.

In the end I spent a great portion of Saturday asleep. While Frog napped, so did I.

I also cleaned the bathroom, weeded the garden, watched Free Willy 3: The Rescue (surprisingly good) and painted my toenails.

And when I rejoined Twitter and Facebook at exactly 8pm on Saturday evening? Turns out I hadn’t missed much.

But I won’t be doing it again out of choice for a very long time.

Could you?

The post Surviving without the internet (I think I’m addicted) appeared first on Mother's Always Right.

Why? Oh, you know – I JUST WORKED OUT HOW TO USE A PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY.

Sorry. But this is kind of a big deal for me.

Despite being a fully trained broadcast journalist, technical stuff really isn’t my strong point. I’m OK with it once I’ve been shown how it works and which plug fits where. But I’m not, well, a natural.

So imagine my utter astonishment when I was asked if I’d like to review a MiFi on Three. I am the woman who once walked into a café and asked if they had free “wee-fee” afterall.

But never one to turn down a challenge, I readily accepted. They told me this MiFi thing was great for mums like me (busy ones I mean, not short-arse blondes with slight love handles and a penchant for Take That and wine). Apparently, the MiFi on Three would give me more time as I’d have access to the internet “on the go” and would be able to cram more things into my hectic life. It takes multi-tasking to a whole new level.

One MiFi on Three and one hand

Now, for all of you who are rolling your eyes right now and mouthing “she is so behind the times, why hasn’t she got an iPhone?” I take your point. I don’t have an iPhone. And this is something that reduces me to tears on an almost daily basis. It means I am stuck in the Stone Age of not having access to Twitter every second, or access to my blog, or access to my emails. These are all things I didn’t realise I would need to use so much 12 months ago when I was deciding which phone to have. Back then, I just needed my phone to be a phone.

But now I have a blog. And I have a freelance career in journalism. And I have a baby. These are all things which take up lots of time and don’t always complement each other. So the MiFi device was very attractive to me. “Oh, I’ll be like all those modern people and check my emails on the go” I thought.

I didn’t read the small print though. The MiFi on Three obviously doesn’t connect with dinosaur bricks phones like mine. You need a smart phone. So, for the last day I’ve been using the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine’s snazzy iPhone to test out the MiFi on Three.

And it’s really rather good.

The MiFi on Three instantly gives you mobile Wi-Fi, which can be connected up to five devices. This means if you have a phone without 3G technology, the MiFi corrects this problem. It also means you can use your laptop, phone, iPod touch (of course I don’t have an iPod touch – I don’t even have an iPhone) to the MiFi to make the most of the internet connection.

The device itself is around the same size as a small phone and is all soft and smooth, like a lovely pebble. If you don’t want to enjoy its pebble-like qualities in the palm of your hand all day you can pop it in your pocket – it’s light, so you’d hardly know it was there. The battery lasts around four hours before dying. This is just the right amount of time to pop off to the park, have a go on the swings, buy an icecream for your baby, get said icecream all over you, change a disgusting nappy, realise you’ve forgotten the baby wipes and deal with a huge tantrum from your icecream-soaked poo-covered child. All the while keeping on top of your emails and tweeting the latest poo incident to your followers. Perfect.

The downside to the MiFi on Three is that it’s dependent on 3G coverage (well it would be wouldn’t it?). This means that the internet connection is a “slow” broadband speed, not as fast as ADSL. The other thing is that if you have a smart phone with 3G technology already, you probably wouldn’t need the MiFi – unless you wanted to connect other devices to the internet too. There’s also little point having one if you’re just going to sit around at home all day, because if you’re lucky enough to be doing that you may as well just use your laptop with its super-fast broadband connection.

That said, I still think it’s a great device. I’m seriously considering getting a pay-as-you-go smart phone when my contract runs out and this could be a handy addition. The MiFi tots up your data allowance so you can keep track of your usage and avoid hefty, unplanned bills. Three also do a pay-as-you-go deal with the MiFi.

You can find out more about the MiFi and the On The Go Mums campaign here. (It’s worth clicking on that link just to get the time-saving tips and see the competitions they’ve got running. Just saying.)

I didn’t receive any payment for this review. I didn’t even receive the MiFi – I have to give it back tomorrow. Gutted.

The post The one in which I go all technical on you appeared first on Mother's Always Right.

2. Invite family over for the weekend and spend vast amounts of time worrying about not writing a blog post in two days.

3. Furtively check your emails and get irrationally moody at the sight of posts written by other bloggers you subscribe to. Spend more time worrying about not writing a post in two days.

4. Blame your bad mood on the man in your life and start a row about him not helping out enough. Secretly worry about not writing a blog post in two days.

5. Make an excuse to go to the toilet and have a quick glance at Twitter to check you’re not missing anything. Use the time you spend having a wee to secretly worry about not writing a blog post in two days.

6. Once all family have gone spend half an hour in a sulk that you can’t use the computer to write a blog post, as the man in your life has actual real work to do. Start another row about the fact he doesn’t take you seriously enough.

7. Finally write that blasted blog post you’ve been fretting over for two days and congratulate yourself on your reserve at staying away from said blog for such a long period of time. Take huge insult at any suggestion otherwise.

A socially inept mardy blogger (with a mild case of trapped wind)

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