Dear Mr Circus Ringmaster,

I would like to offer my services as the new act in your circus. Let me tell you why.

It turns out I’m a very good juggler. I can juggle approximately seven things at once and am well on my way to adding an eighth item. But I don’t use balls. No, I’m far more masterful. I juggle with babies, wedding plans, radio work, washing, feature writing, ironing, blogging and playing. And I’m soon to add that elusive eighth item: keeping my accounts in order.

Oh, and my talents don’t end there. I’m also a pretty mean tightrope walker. I can spectacularly maneuver from the beginning of the day to the end with perfect balance. (I’ve only fallen off once, when my baby refused to nap. That crash left me in tears in a heap on the floor, but since then I’ve regained my balance.)

And have I told you what a great clown I am? Apart from the brilliant clown-like make up I manage to pull off every day (you try applying eyeliner and blusher when your teething baby’s kept you up through the night), I’m also pretty funny. My baby reckons so anyway – my raspberries keep her amused for hours.

That’s not all. I can tame the most ferocious lion. This lion’s roar is so loud it makes the walls shake. And she bites with razor sharp teeth. Granted, she only weighs about 17 lbs and has a fine wisp of mane, but she’s scarier than the heaviest, hairiest beast.

The only thing I can’t do is acrobatics. It just wouldn’t feel right to subject your audience to the sight of me in a leotard.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Mother’s Always Right