Like the rest of the world, I am a BIG fan of Orange is the New Black. I gorged on both seasons within a fortnight each and, when the last episode was finished, I wondered what I would do with the OITNB shaped hole in my life.

I love the show for the addictive plot lines, strong female characters and incredible writing. But that’s not all. Somewhere into the second series I started to draw some comparisons with the life of the inmates in Orange is the New Black and my own life as a mum.

Stick with me on this one…

5 Ways Orange is the New BLACK is like Parenthood:

1. Sleep in the pitch dark becomes a thing of the past. 

My daughter’s scared of the dark. So, like the inmates in OITNB, we sleep with a bright landing light on all the way through the night. In fact, I’ve become so used to sleeping with the light on that I wonder if I, too, am now afraid of the dark. 

2. Every second of your day – from when you wake up to when you go to bed – is now dictated by another person.

Fancy a lie-in? Fat chance. Want a late night? Good luck with that. How about skipping lunch and planning a spontaneous late evening meal out instead? Keep dreaming. Parenting young children means a schedule that revolves around someone else’s needs. The orders are barked at you from the moment you wake up in the morning. Sound familiar?

3. Opportunities to wear swanky clothes are now slim to none. 

Of course you COULD wear your five inch heels, mini dress and blingtastic jewellery to the local baby and toddler group, but it would make dealing with a tantruming toddler that bit harder. And everyone knows babies are like magpies – the tiniest hint of bling and their hands work like magnets, drawn towards the shiny light. It’s the reason the holes in my ears have now closed up, after a terrifying incident with a pair of dangly earrings and my (then) baby’s vice-like grip. Like the girls in OITNB I mainly exist at home in stained jersey jumpers ranging from grey to black to beige.

4. You can no longer go for a poo in peace.

The toilets in the OITNB prison are busy places, full of conversation and bitching. There’s only one cubicle with a door, so the women have to get used to doing their business in full view of another person. Rather like life in my house then. And if I do manage to get into the bathroom and close the door, it’s seconds before a tiny hand is banging on the other side shouting, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? IS IT A WEE OR A POO? HURRY UP!”

5. The excitement of a night out is replaced by eating your favourite bar of chocolate on a Friday night. 

There’s nothing like the thrill of receiving commissary goodies for the ladies in OITNB. When nights out disappear that chocolate bar takes on a whole new level of thrill. I know how they feel.

Any more similarities you can think of? 

***

[Photo credit: Netflix press centre]

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So far this pregnancy has seen me give up wine (sob), bread (double sob) and milk. But that’s not all. I’ve also given up late nights and adjusted the hours I spend sitting in front of my computer working. Gone are the 11pm marathon I’ve-Got-To-Meet-This-Deadline evenings and in are early nights and evenings wallowing in the bath.

The first trimester hasn’t been a particularly easy one. I’ve had horrible sickness, extreme exhaustion and felt generally crap. I wrote in my last post about some of the things that have helped, but I want to dedicate a special place in my heart and on my blog to one particular first trimester saviour: Netflix. 

Thank you Netflix, with your steadfast support of this tired, sicky pregnant lady. Thank you for always being there with a handy film or addictive series suggestion. Thank you for being my companion when nausea was stopping me from sleeping but exhaustion meant I couldn’t read a book. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

February and March have seen me devour the entire first season of Orange is the New Black (thank you to Charlotte from Write Like No One’s Watching for the recommendation on that one). This is a brilliantly written series set in the US about a very unlikely female convict. It made me laugh and cry and immediately click on “next episode” once I’d finished watching. I was distraught to find the next season hasn’t even been filmed yet. Can’t wait for that one.

I also finally caught up with the rest of the world and finished the last season of Breaking Bad. Now it’s over there’s a Walt and Jessie shaped hole in my life.

I’ve watched countless films (including the ever-highbrow Katy Perry: Part of Me) and got hooked on the first series of Mr Selfridge after missing it on TV the first time around.

My current best friend in the Netflix department is the gritty detective series called The Bridge. This was a recommendation back in 2012 from a Sweden-obsessed friend of mine but I haven’t had time to start watching it until now. It’s set in Sweden and Finland and makes compelling viewing. Even my subtitles-hating husband has become a fan.

So there you go. A few recommendations for you to try out if you find yourself pregnant, sick and needing an early night with an iPad and Netflix. You’re welcome.

***

Disclosure: I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team. As ever, all views in this post remain my own. 

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Recently I joined the Netflix Stream Team. The perfect partner to indulge my love of the sofa, I thought. I received a kit so I could perfect my Netflix viewing, watching Walt and Jessie from my new iPad connected to my TV via a fancy cable. There was even popcorn. Settling down to begin my Netflix marathon I found an email.

#GetFitWithNetflix was the heading. Hang on a minute, I thought. This wasn’t part of the deal. They want me to get fit? I thought Netflix was all about watching my favourite TV shows and films in the comfort of my own home? What’s all this “Get Fit” nonsense? 

It turns out you don’t HAVE to watch shows on Netflix while sitting on the sofa. You can actually *shock horror* exercise at the same time. I was sent some helpful suggestions for tailoring my workout in front of the TV, so I could fit it in with my busy work / mum schedule.

Now I’m going to be honest; I haven’t been feeling great this week. Most evenings I’ve been in bed by 10pm and, when I’ve not been at my computer working, I’ve been sleeping. So the Netflix workout suggestions haven’t been properly dusted off. But I’m keen to get my backside off that sofa, because I could find myself in my fifties before the rain outside stops and “proper” exercise becomes attractive again.

In the interests of sharing the load being helpful, here are some of the tips that Netflix has given me to exercise in front of the TV. These are all ideas for ways to workout while watching your favourite show or film. Don’t say I never give you anything…

The warm-up:

The leg routines: 

The arm routines: 

You can do any of the above while watching Breaking Bad, Mr Selfridge, Orange is the New Black – or any other of the countless films and TV series available on Netflix.

Anyone else feeling motivated to get moving now? My new regime starts Monday. Promise.

(Shut up. It really does start Monday.)

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