After settling my almost four year old back to sleep at 3am this morning I found myself lying awake staring into the darkness. I could hear my child’s soft snores and feel this new life wriggling around inside my belly. And it hit me: how the hell will I cope with two?!

Have you ever noticed how everything seems worse in the middle of the night?

My mind raced. My breathing grew shallow. I could feel myself on the verge of a full blown panic attack – I haven’t suffered one of these in the last seven years. 

What if I’m not enough?

I’m already one of those mums who’s regularly in a flap. It’s rare I’m the first to drop Frog off at pre-school. I nearly took her this morning in slippers. I forget things. I sometimes shout. I try my very, very best all the time, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.

So how will I find the extra bit of myself to give when our new addition to the family arrives?

I already feel bonded to this baby. Every little kick (and boy, there are a LOT of kicks) is a reminder that I’m growing a human being. I look forward to breastfeeding again and breathing in the sweet smell of a newborn’s head.

But I’m also more than aware of how hard babies are. I rarely managed to get dressed before 10am most mornings until Frog was a good couple of months old. I’d fluster around in milk-stained pyjamas, bundling washing into the machine while trying to latch a baby to my breast. I’d lose the Infacol and regularly run up and down the stairs chanting “nappy nappy nappy” just to remind myself what I was actually going into the next room for.

Babies are beautiful. And joyful. And precious. They have the ability to tear love from you, leaving you winded. But they’re also noisy (especially at 2am). And demanding. And impatient. It’s like living with a 7 pound dictator who makes you jump at their every whim. I already live with a 3 stone dictator, how will I manage with another little one under the same roof?!

In September Frog will start school. I won’t have the luxury of faffing around in my PJs with this new baby. I’ll have to arrange my mornings with military precision, getting everyone up, dressed and out of the house by 8.30am. And that includes me.

When Frog was a newborn it would sometimes take me two whole hours to leave the house, once I’d changed the umpteenth dirty nappy, breastfed her for the millionth time or finally found my car keys. And then I’d regularly get to where I was going and realise I was still in my slippers.

How will I continue to show Frog how much I love her, listen to her stories, make time to do things with her, while giving enough love to this new little one too? How will I keep enough of myself for me, so I don’t go slowly mad? Will there be anything left for my husband, so we’re actually enjoying each day rather than merely surviving it? And don’t even get started on work. I’m planning a fairly short maternity leave, so that will be another ball to juggle.

These were all the thoughts swimming round my head at 3am this morning. And, if I’m honest, they haven’t completely evaporated.

I want to be one of those mums who moves effortlessly through the days, artfully juggling the demands of mothering multiple children with work, remaining happy and continuing to look great. I want to be like my friends Emma and Jane, who make motherhood of three look so easy.

But while they make three kids look like a breeze, I’m worried I won’t even be able to cope with two. Will I be the mum who always turns up for school drop-off late, with a child who hasn’t brushed her teeth or combed her hair, wearing slippers and a top encrusted with baby sick?

Will there be enough of me? How will I do it?

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Having a baby is better than Christmas, in present terms. You get showered with all sorts of new items that you never knew existed, many of which you won’t even get to take out of the wrapping. Having been the new mum with a million and one cuddly toys, there are a couple of items I look out for now when I buy a present to welcome a new baby into the world. I’ll always try to find unique gifts for a newborn, rather than something they may already have, no matter how cute it is.

Last Saturday I got to test my baby present giving skills to the maximum, as I met (and cuddled and got broody over) our lovely friends’ new baby girl. There was a moment when my two year old gave her “new baby friend” a cuddle, when I thought my heart might actually burst in two, leaving me with nothing but a mushy puddle on the floor. Luckily my heart is actually made of stone and I’ve lived to tell the tale.

So, new unique baby gifts…

Little Punk London

If you’re looking for comfortable, practical, stylish babywear with a difference, then Little Punk London is your brand. I love the bright colours and lack of pastel / beige / neutral shades in their designs. We’re already firm fans of the toddler stick-on range, so it’s no surprise the babygrows and vests are right up my street too.

Sock Ons

These. Are. Genius. Seriously, until you have a baby you do not realise how many millions of pairs of socks you get through. Babies (especially ones with wonky feet like my daughter) don’t “do” socks very well. I spent the first six months trying to work out how to keep my own baby’s socks on her feet, before discovering these clever stirrup-like things that pop on over the top of the sock and hold it in place.

Sheepskin blanket

When I used to take Frog to Baby Sensory classes, I remember being enthralled to learn that babies can actually sleep more soundly on sheepskin. My (often sleep-phobic) child LOVED lying on sheepskin and it’s the only time I’ve known her to drop off in a busy hall, among lots of other babies. At nearly three years old, Frog still refuses to sleep without the special blanket she was given as a baby and, while it’s not sheepskin, it IS made from a fleecey type of fabric.

The biggest hit at the weekend definitely came from the special blanket I gave to our friends’ baby. Made from a soft fleece, she snuggled her face into it and proceeded to sleep the rest of the time we were there. A quick scout around the internet has thrown up this brand I’ve yet to try. Now I’m just waiting for another friend to have a baby as I know just the blanket to get for them.

What unique baby gift items were you given as a new parent?

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Disclosure: The Little Punk London babygrow was provided for the purpose of this review.

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