My strength at juggling has been tested to the extreme today. And I must admit – just between you and I – that I have failed. Dismally.
I’ve worked as a presenter on a breakfast radio show since January and since that time we’ve had a few childcare emergencies. In each case, Frog hasn’t been particularly poorly. Either it’s been a cold or a cough or her childminder hasn’t been able to take her because of her own little boy being ill. Today was the first time I’ve been pulled completely in two.
I always promised myself that when I took on a contract that saw me working away from home for part of the day, I wouldn’t let it compromise my number one job: being a mum.
Yes there are occasions when I’m tired and stressed but I try not to let my toddler see it. Of course it’s not ideal that I’m not there when she wakes up in the morning, but she gets me all afternoon and I tell myself it could be a lot worse.
Until last night, the tough decision of taking a day off work due to my child’s illness has not been one I’ve had to make. Either the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine has been able to take a day off work or my mum has been a hero and driven a four hour drive up the motorway to help us. Last night was different though. Last night Frog needed her mum.
As my two year old retched in her bed, waking from a deep sleep to be violently sick, I felt like crying. As she wailed that she was, “Scared Mummy”, I whispered to her that everything was going to be OK while desperately Googling her symptoms. From 8pm last night until 6am this morning my child was vomiting every 10 minutes. By 3am there was nothing left, but she couldn’t stop gagging. She was so exhausted by that point that she could barely lift her head. She just nuzzled against me, whimpering that she was frightened and that she needed a cuddle. I melted.
Although my parents (by some massive stroke of fate) were here to visit yesterday, I knew I couldn’t leave. Regardless of the fact I was in no state to drive the 50 minute commute to work having had no sleep, I couldn’t leave my baby vomiting and crying for me. I physically couldn’t be apart from her.
So at 3am I made a phone call, sent three text messages and whizzed off an email. Having had conversations the night before to warn the worst could be about to happen and I may not make the show, I was comforted at least by the fact my failure to turn up wasn’t going to be a total surprise. But I felt awful. I felt like an awful mum for even considering leaving my very poorly child and I felt like an unprofessional woman, living up to the stereotype of unreliability that so many working mothers battle against.
The rest of the day has been spent negotiating extreme tiredness from a total lack of sleep and trying to field emails and meet work deadlines that I wasn’t able to fulfill last night, as I was caring for my sick child. All the while, carrying my toddler – who has only eaten half a piece of bread all day and managed to drink one cup of water – and dishing out mummy cuddles that she’s so badly needed.
This is when being a working mum sucks. The plain truth of the matter is that no one else would do today. Last night my toddler needed her mum and today was no different. Even her father, who she dotes on, was not good enough. Cuddles from me were the only thing that would make it all better. And who am I to deny her that? I’d be failing my job dismally if I batted away my sick child’s need for maternal comfort in favour of my inbox.
But I still feel like I failed. I guess sometimes it’s just not possible to do it all. Is it?
My little girl last night, only accepting a cuddle from her granddad once she had fallen asleep in my own arms.
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Poor little F, and poor you. One of the biggest advantages, for me, of working from home is that I can be there at times like this, and having spent the past 48hrs nursing my own little upchucker, I feel very grateful right now. You did what you had to do, though. You haven’t failed. Hope F is better soon x
You’re right, that IS the good thing about working from home. This time last year it wouldn’t have been an issue. It’s a definite plus side to having an office in your house rather than 40 miles down the motorway! x
hope f recovers quickly its awful when they are ill, they always seem to want there mum, I have been there and its not nice but at the end of the day, your child is the most important,and you put that first x
So true. Nothing else matters when it all comes down to it. x
Oh bless herittle heart
hope she gets better soon xxxx
Thank you! She seems well recovered this evening. Finally ate something at 2pm today, so that must mean she’s on the mend!
Ach, you did exactly the right thing, (says the working mum on sabbatical with the chronically ill kid).
No one lies on their death bed wishing they worked harder.
Love you molly trolly dolly x
Love you too Jane, bane, wane… doesn’t really have the same ring to it does it?!
Oh bless her. It is heartbreaking when all they want or need is mummy cuddles, no matter how much they dote on other family members there really is something healing about mummy cuddles. Hell, I am almost 30 and I still want them sometimes.
Me too!
Oh I hope she gets well soon. It’s not possible to do it all.
It isn’t is it? Not on days like those anyway!
While your kids are young their sickness is your sickness (especially when it keeps you up all night) so you were taking perfectly legitimate sick leave. No guilt required.
And with that the guilt vanishes. You are the voice of reason and echo EXACTLY what my mum said. Funny that. x
No you didn’t fail, at all. You chose to be with the person who needed you more than anyone else, and you kept in touch with work and kept up! If anything it’s the failure of society or culture for not valuing children enough or mothering (oops I’m getting political again)
I really hope that you both get some sleep tonight and that your gorgeous girl continues to recover xx
Thank you. It’s so tough isn’t it? I don’t work in a “regular” industry, although they were great about my day off (even presenters without kids get sick occasionally!) but I think it’s the trials that all parents end up facing at some point in their career. Even if you have a nanny on hand and grandparents next door, there are times when only a mum will do.
Oof. I totally understand. My job rarely (at least not daily) means I will let whole teams down when I stay at home a day, but even so I do it ever so reluctantly, fearful of perpetuating the myth that working mothers can’t handle it. Even though I know I work just as hard as my colleagues. But I just won’t stay overtime like they do. And I know it hinders my career chances.
Feeling so sorry for you, do rest when she does and I hope she is back to full health soon. x
Thank you! She seems completely recovered today. Thankfully. She was asking for “choc choc” at bedtime anyway, so that’s got to be a good sign! x
love you Molly.
Sending hugs. Been there. Have no heros to drive. It’s me or him and it’s rubbish but it’s OK to leave an office full of people (I think so) harder, much harder when it’s a radio show – expectations are different.
Sometimes the only right thing to do is be with your child and you did the right thing. X
When they need you, they need you. End of. But yes, terribly difficult and I hate to let ANYONE down. Oh well, I guess it’s always going to be a risk when kids are involved, right? x
You have not failed, you have done EXACTLY the right thing.
I’ve been off work numerous times with ill children (nearest family a six hour drive and husband can’t take time off work due to nature of job) and it’s really hard. When my children are ill they need me and I want to be with them – but it’s hard knowing that my place of work think of me as difficult, ‘a problem’ and so on and have had me in meetings and whatnot about the whole business. Sigh…
Please don’t feel bad. You had a tough choice to make and you instinctively made the right one.
Oh that’s awful that you’ve been made to feel a “problem”. It’s really tricky because my husband has had to take time off in the past too and he hates it. But when they’re really, properly poorly all they want is their mum. And that’s where the bit about being a working mum is never going to be the same as being a working dad – not in our house anyway.
Oh my goodness, poor little thing and poor you. I can totally relate to all of this at the moment. The guilt and exhaustion are all consuming but you know you’re doing the right thing staying at home with your little one. Try to shake off the guilt (and let me know your secret if you manage it!). Hugs xx
I didn’t manage to shake off the guilt – but I did come to accept there was no choice and I literally couldn’t do EVERYTHING all at once. Not an ideal situation but it happens with kids doesn’t it?
Oh I feel for you I hope your little Frog is feeling better very soon. Just like everyone else said you should definitely not feel guilty for staying off work, (easier said than done though I know) your child takes priority and that is how it should be and you certainly didn’t fail. x
Thanks Rhian, the Mother Guilt is just the worst isn’t it?!
YOU DID NOT FAIL at all!!! You found a way to be with your child and that’s what she needed, it sounds to me like you are the best kind of mummy with the best kind of grandparents to help, how lucky can a child get? When push comes to shove you were in no doubt who your priority was……..so here’s to you!! Ellie x
It’s true, I couldn’t leave her like that. I just wish I could cut myself in half sometimes and be in two places at once! x
No sometimes you can’t have it all, but we gotta do what we gotta do. And know that as they say you can’t please everyone all of the time. It is tough now that she’s little but as she grows she’ll be able to understand more of the sacrifices that you and hubby make for her. I wish her a speedy recovery.
Ah thank you for your wise words. x
Awww lovely, you did the right thing, you didn’t fail at all.. xxx