Me, operating at full superwoman capacity. Kind of.
I was in a car crash on Tuesday. Not a serious one; I haven’t broken anything and there’s barely any damage to my car, but it was enough to leave me shaken and sore.
As I waited patiently for a safe crossing on a busy roundabout I was hit from behind by a driver who failed to brake in time. He was apologetic and visibly shaken. I was in a daze. After we exchanged details, attempting to dodge the mounting traffic, I started to feel sick. I gulped back the tears threatening to fall and got back in my car, driving the 10 minutes back to work on autopilot. It wasn’t until I fell through the door of the office that I realised how much I was shaking.
At the time, my shoulders, neck and back ached, but that got worse throughout the day. My main concern 30 minutes after the crash was getting to nursery to collect my two year old on time. I wanted to jump back in my car and finish the journey I’d started, regardless of any potential damage to my vehicle or body.
I was superwoman, I didn’t get hurt. I didn’t have time to be in shock. I had to get on with my day.
I’m very thankful to my lovely neighbour for stepping in at that point and offering to do the pick-up, so I didn’t have to race down the motorway and get there in time. I’m also grateful to my husband for coming home from work at a decent hour on Tuesday, so I could go to the doctor and be scolded for doing too much, before finding out I have high blood pressure and whiplash.
Although the accident wasn’t my fault, it’s left me panicky. I have to cover 80 miles a day in my car, so anxiety around driving isn’t helpful. But I’m now more aware than ever of how easy it is for accidents to happen. The fact I lost a member of my family in a car crash just before Christmas is, once again, fresh in my mind.
With the shock and the aches has come a kind of acceptance that I have to stop. Although I’ve still been getting up at 4am to do the radio show I currently work on, I haven’t tried to cram too much into the rest of my day. All toddler afternoon activities have been cancelled in favour of snuggles in front of a film or with books. The strong painkillers me a bit fuzzy and whoozy anyway, so it seems to take ten minutes to do a two minute job.
The last two evenings have seen me in bed by 6pm, as my husband takes over bedtime duties. I’ve had to swallow the Mother Guilt and remind myself that if I keep going at 100 miles an hour when I’m not feeling my best, I’ll hit a wall.
It’s hard.
There’s always so much to do, you see. There are always people who want to call meetings or have conversations about work projects over the phone, or who expect emails to be answered within 30 minutes – even if they know I’m recovering from an accident. You get the, “Oh poor you, I’m glad you’re OK” conversation, immediately followed by the, “Now, if you could just do this for me” line. It’s taken a car crash and a couple of days feeling very out of kilter for me to realise just how many people make (often unrealistic) demands on my time.
I love my work, but not at the expense of my health. I love my child, but I can only be the best mum I can be – marathon crafting sessions and toddler activity classes and playdates will have to wait this week.
It’s time to accept that even superwoman has off days. Even superwoman would struggle to work 80 hours, spend afternoons doing mum stuff and keep a clean house, if she’d been in a car accident.
And anyway, I’m not superwoman. No one is.
Superwoman doesn’t exist.
So, for now, I’m going to embrace my non-superwoman status and attempt to ignore the guilt. Everything will just have to wait.
*Gives you a big hug, passes chocolate and wine*
Hope you are feeling a bit better this week, it sounds like you had an absolute shocker last week
Glad that you are relatively okay, but I still hope you keep the non-superwoman thing going and keep being kind to yourself for a little longer.
Big love xx
No wonder you’re shaken, especially given your loss last year. I reckon toddler cuddles are probably the best possible medicine.
How awful for you. It must have really shaken you up not to mention the pain you’ve been in because of that idiot! It really is amazing how demanding people can be, selfish really. Don’t worry about what anyone says or thinks, just concentrate on getting better – plenty more playdate and classes to come, she won’t miss out on a thing, most important is for her to have her mummy back on track! x
You poor thing. Have been thinking of you today.
Keep your pants under your tights and embrace your inner sloth. It’s much better for the soul xxx
Oh blimey. Glad you weren’t seriously hurt, Molly. To be an ace mum (which you are, btw) you need to look after yourself too, so going to bed at 6pm and slowing down the pace is actually the best thing for F.
I’m not going to pretend I have the answers for balancing/slowing down long-term, because I’m rubbish at it myself. This is a sucky part of being a parent. Big love xxx
Too right that this will all have to wait! Sorry this happened to you, Molly. About the whiplash, have you considered getting some therapy for it like osteopathy? It’s really important to treat it and not just medicate because the pain could return decades from now (I come from a country with a HIGH accident rate). As far as I can tell, you have nothing to feel guilty about and your daughter doesn’t want any of that other stuff. She just wants you.
Frog will love and remember the cuddles and the quiet times most of all, so don’t worry about the lack of activities at all! To be that supermum for her, you really do need to look after yourself first, and it’s no wonder you’re all shook up. So just have a little ‘Patience’ and in a while you’ll ‘Shine’ (do you see where I’m going with this??!!)
don’t feel guilty not doing playdates & crafts & all that stuff that you think you should be doing – Frog is just happy to spend time with her Mummy. Doing all that stuff causes stress & you have enough of that getting to & from work – just chill, take a step back & enjoy Frog, it won’t be long before she’s at school & then the real stresses start! Big hugs Molly xx
I am so please you are OK. Cass from Frugal Family also had an accident recently and it has pretty much shook her up too. I long ago realised I couldn’t be everything to everyone and had to prioritise. It is a hard lesson and really hard to do. Every now and then I need a reminder
Ahhh Frog will still think you are Superwoman regardless of whether you are doing any crafts with her or not. It takes a lot for your kids to stop thinking that
Just relax and take it easy, I don’t know how you manage to fit so much in! I’ve only been driving for just over a year but I am so aware of how easy it is to have an accident, the main problem seems to be that there are so many idiots on the road. If I drive at the speed limit then I get some total arsehole driving up my arse waiting to over take in a dangerous way. It makes me so angry xx