Raising a teen is no mean feat. They’re dealing with everything from changing bodies and raging hormones to peer, academic, and societal pressure. Supporting a young adult through this turbulent stage of life is rarely straightforward. Mistakes are inevitable, and unfortunately, even the best of motherly intentions can have the opposite of the desired effect.
Watching your teen for signs of depression is more likely to cause them to pull away. Instead, it’s often the small things that matter most; how you communicate with them, how safe they feel at home, and how much they trust you when things get tough. In this guide, we’ll discuss practical, everyday ways you can show up for your teen and look out for their mental health without overstepping.
Focus on Connection, Not Control
While the jury’s still out on mothers always being right, one thing is for sure: mothers are problem solvers. It’s natural to want to give your child advice and fix things for them. However, a better way to support your teen’s emotional health is to focus on connection rather than control. That means you don’t have to have deep talks every day and know about every detail of everything on their plate.
Instead, focus on small moments of connection, like on the school run, while cooking dinner, or even just chilling and watching TV together. When they’re ready to share, listen more than you speak. Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes all your teen needs is for you to be there, lend an ear, and acknowledge that their experience is valid.
Create a Safe Environment
Your home should feel safe, both emotionally and physically. That means practicing emotional honesty and creating an environment where it’s okay to feel things, whether it’s anger, sadness, or anxiety. In the right doses and in the appropriate context, these emotions can all be healthily expressed. To that end, avoid telling your teen things like “don’t be dramatic” or “you’re overreacting”, even if you don’t fully understand what they’re going through.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts at fostering good mental health, you or your teen may need extra support. Searching for treatment options shows strength, not failure. Whether you find yourself Googling “SPRAVATO near me” or heading to your primary care physician for help, don’t be afraid to explore professional therapies or medications.
Encourage Healthy Outlets
Keeping emotions bottled up can lead to all sorts of health problems: physical, mental, or both. A healthy outlet where they can release pent-up energy is essential. Encourage them to try new hobbies or get involved in a club. It doesn’t matter whether it’s music, sport, dance, debate, art, or crafts, what’s important is that your teen finds a way to channel their big emotions through a healthy medium. It’s critical not to push your child into hobbies for the sake of it. Just let them know you’re here to support their interests, whatever that looks like: driving them to training, watching their shows, or giving them the space to draw for hours.
Talk About Mental Health Like Physical Health
Normalizing conversations about mental health can make your teen feel more comfortable about opening up about difficult topics. That doesn’t mean you need to turn every dinner table chat into a full-blown therapy session. Just try to incorporate it into everyday conversations from a young age so your child knows mental health isn’t a taboo topic.
For example, talk about stress, burnout, and overwhelm as common parts of life rather than personal failings. If you go to therapy, don’t hide that information. If your child sees a counsellor, treat it the same as you would another medical appointment, like a trip to the dentist. There should be no stigma around discussing mental health. At the same time, mental illness is not something to be taken lightly. It’s about normalizing the honesty around how we’re feeling rather than the conditions themselves.
Be the Calm in Their Chaos
Teenagers can be chaotic; their emotions are all over the place, and it’s part of growing up. They’re figuring out who they are, where they fit in the order of things, what their goals are, and where their boundaries should exist. Then there’s the added complication of social media and its effect on mental health. Teens who spend more than three hours a day scrolling have double the risk of experiencing problems like depression.
Unfortunately, the reality of modern-day life isn’t something you can protect them against. However, you can show them that hard days are survivable, difficult emotions are manageable, and home is a safe place. If they yell, stay calm. If they pull away, stay present. If they don’t want to talk, don’t force them to, but let them know you’ll be there when they do.
When to Worry
Not every mood swing is a mental health crisis. The rollercoaster of adolescence means your teen may seem down for a while, but they should get better. If they seem stuck in sadness, show signs of withdrawal, or say things that worry you, it’s time to ask for help. A school counsellor is often the best place to start, though your family doctor can also provide advice.
Don’t Forget About Yourself
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and even the most resilient supermom needs a break sometimes. Emotionally supporting someone takes a lot of energy. When that person lives with you, and you’re also doing their laundry, it can seem like a thankless task. Don’t forget to check in with yourself, too. Are you getting enough rest? Do you have anyone to talk to, to lighten the load? Lead by example and take good care of your own mental health; it’s best for you and your teen.
Endnote
There’s no magic formula or secret to supporting your teen’s mental health. Ultimately, all families are different, and your relationship with your child is unique. As a general guide, showing up for them, listening without judgment, and making home a safe space is a good place to start.
Treat mental wellness with the same reverence as you would physical health, normalize openly discussing emotions, and remember to practice what you preach. Finally, make it clear that asking for help is okay, and that seeking therapy or other treatments is nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, it shows maturity, strength, and courage.
