Sleep training helps babies learn to fall asleep independently and stay asleep through the night—a skill that doesn’t always come naturally.
For parents seeking a middle ground between cry-it-out methods and constant rocking, the Pick-Up, Put-Down method offers a compassionate alternative.
The approach is straightforward: when your baby cries, you pick them up for comfort, then put them back down drowsy but awake once they’re calm.
This method acknowledges the emotional needs of both baby and parent, creating a supportive path to better sleep without abandoning your child to cope alone with their frustrations.
Let’s understand how this balanced approach works.
What is the Pick-Up, Put-Down Method?
The Pick-Up, Put-Down method is a gentle sleep training approach. This technique involves putting your baby down drowsy but awake, then picking them up when they cry to comfort them, and putting them back down once calm but still awake.
The core philosophy emphasizes responding to your baby’s needs while gradually teaching self-soothing skills. Unlike cry-it-out methods, it maintains a parental presence and offers comfort.
However, it differs from the no-cry approach by encouraging independent sleep. This middle-ground method balances attachment with teaching sleep independence in a responsive, supportive way.
When to Start Using the Pick-Up, Put-Down Method?
The Pick-Up, Put-Down method is typically most effective for babies between 4-8 months old. Before attempting, look for developmental readiness signs: your baby can roll over, has improved head control, and shows some ability to self-soothe (like finding their thumb).
This method isn’t suitable for newborns under 4 months whose sleep patterns are still developing. Avoid using it during illness, developmental leaps, or major life changes like moving homes.
Also reconsider if your baby becomes increasingly agitated rather than calmer with each pickup cycle, as some high-sensitivity babies may find the repeated change overstimulating rather than reassuring.
Step-by-Step Guide to the Pick-Up, Put-Down Method
Start by creating a predictable bedtime routine. Ensure their sleeping environment is calm and cozy, with a dark room, white noise, and a comfortable temperature.
Pick a time when you have a few uninterrupted days to be consistent, avoiding any big trips or major life events.
Method Walkthrough:-
1. Put your baby down drowsy but awake in their crib:
Lay your baby down calm and tired but not fully asleep so they can learn to self-soothe and sleep independently in their crib.
2. If your baby cries or fusses, wait briefly (10-15 seconds) to see if they self-settle:
If your baby fusses, wait 10-15 seconds before intervening. This helps them learn to self-soothe and fall back asleep on their own.
3. If crying continues, pick your baby up to comfort them:
If crying continues, gently pick your baby up to comfort them, keeping your actions calm and soothing.
4. Hold until they’re calm but still awake (not asleep):
Hold your baby until calm, then lay them down awake to reinforce the crib as a safe sleep space.
5. Place baby back in crib:
Gently lay your baby back in the crib so they associate it with safe, independent sleep.
6. If crying resumes, repeat the process:
If crying starts again, repeat the process. Stay consistent to help your baby feel secure and learn to sleep independently.
7. Continue the cycle until your baby falls asleep independently:
Stick with it. Your baby will gradually learn to settle independently and develop healthy sleep habits.
Pick-Up Phase Guidelines:
- Hold your baby upright against your chest or shoulder
- Keep the interaction minimal (gentle shushing or patting is fine)
- Avoid eye contact, talking, or stimulating activities
- Hold only until your baby is calm, typically 2-3 minutes maximum
- Look for signs of calming: steadier breathing, relaxed muscles, decreased crying
Troubleshooting
Remain consistent with the method each night. While the process may take time, repeating the cycle helps your baby gradually learn how to self-soothe and settle themselves back to sleep.
You might find that, at first, you need to go through the routine multiple times, but with patience and repetition, your baby will begin to need less intervention. Over days or weeks, they’ll start falling asleep on their own.
Expected Timeline and Results
| TIMEFRAME | WHAT TO EXPECT? |
|---|---|
| Days 1-3 | The most challenging period, with lengthy cycles and frequent pickups. |
| Days 4-7 | Initial signs of improvement, as protest time begins to shorten. |
| Week 2 | Fewer pickups are needed; babies typically fall asleep more quickly. |
| Overall | Success comes from steady improvement, not perfection. |
| Key Commitment | Stick to the method for at least 7 consecutive days to evaluate results. |
Common Challenges and Solutions
Sleep training often involves issues, but understanding common challenges and having strategies ready can make the process smoother.
By passionately addressing these difficulties, parents can help their children achieve more consistent, restful sleep.
1. Increased Crying and Frustration
- Challenge: Baby becomes more upset with each pickup/putdown cycle
- Solution: Try longer intervals between interventions or switch to a more hands-on method temporarily
- Alternative approach: Stay beside the crib with reassuring touches instead of picking up
2. Sleep Regression During Training
- Challenge: Progress stalls or reverses after initial improvement.
- Solution: Check for developmental milestones, teething, or illness.
- Adjustment: Maintain consistency while offering extra comfort during challenging periods.
3. The “Jack-in-the-Box” Baby
- Challenge: Baby repeatedly sits up or stands after being put down.
- Solution: Gently lay them down each time without engaging or making it playful.
- Consistency tip: Keep interactions minimal and maintain a serious, calm attitude.
4. Parental Exhaustion
- Challenge: The method becomes too tiring for parents to maintain
- Solution: Take shifts with a partner or consider a modified approach for a few nights
- Self-care: Nap when possible during the day to recover
5. Method Takes Too Long
- Challenge: Hours of pickup/putdown cycles without progress
- Solution: Set a time limit (e.g., 45 minutes) before taking a break and trying again
- Modification: Gradually extend the time between pickups as the baby builds tolerance
Is the Pick-Up, Put-Down Method Right for Your Family?
This method works best for babies with moderate temperaments. Highly sensitive babies might get more upset with repeated change, while very laid-back babies might do fine with less intervention.
Parents need lots of patience since this method takes time each night. You must be willing to repeat the same actions many times without giving up.
Consider other methods if your baby gets more upset each time you pick them up, if you’re too tired to stay consistent, or if you haven’t seen progress after two solid weeks of trying.
Pick-Up, Put-Down Method for Different Sleep Scenarios
Start with bedtime, when babies are naturally sleepier. Before beginning the method, maintain a consistent routine of bath, story, and lullaby.
For middle-of-night wakings, maintain the same approach but with minimal interaction. Avoid lights, talking, or eye contact to reinforce it’s still sleep time.
Early morning wakings require blackout curtains and consistency to prevent signaling it’s time to start the day.
Trust your instincts if the method isn’t working after several days. Consider modifications like extending the time between pick-ups, using touch instead of picking up, or trying a more hands-on approach for challenging nap times while maintaining nighttime consistency.
Alternative Sleep Training Methods
Not all families find one sleep training method suitable. Fortunately, there are alternative approaches that allow parents to tailor the process based on their child’s temperament, their comfort level, and their family’s unique needs.
1. Gentle Sleep Training Alternatives
The fade-out method involves gradually reducing your presence in your baby’s room over time. You might start by sitting next to the crib, then move your chair further away each night until you’re outside the room.
The Chair Method is similar. You sit next to your baby and offer verbal reassurance without picking them up, gradually moving the chair further from the crib over several nights.
2. Structured Sleep Training Approaches
The Ferber Method (progressive waiting) involves waking your baby and checking in at increasingly longer intervals.
Full extinction, or “cry it out,” means putting your baby down awake and not returning until morning unless necessary. These methods may work faster but involve more crying than gentler approaches.
3. Finding Your Family’s Best Fit
Consider your baby’s temperament—sensitive babies often do better with gentler methods. Evaluate your comfort level with crying and your ability to stay consistent.
Think about your support system and whether you have help during the training period. Remember that mixed methods can work too – you might use Pick-Up or put-down at bedtime but a more structured approach for night wakings.
Summing It Up
The Pick-Up, Put-Down method offers a balanced approach to sleep training, combining responsiveness with teaching independence.
By picking up your baby when it cries and putting it down when it is calm but still awake, you maintain the crucial parent-baby connection while fostering self-soothing skills.
Remember, sleep training isn’t a race. Some babies adapt quickly, while others need more time and patience.
What matters most is consistency, understanding your baby’s unique temperament, and adjusting your approach accordingly.
Trust your parental instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to try a different method or take a break. Every baby is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.
With patience and persistence, better sleep is possible. You’re not just teaching your baby to sleep—you’re giving your entire family the gift of rest.
