When I was pregnant with my nearly-four year old, I spent a lot of time avoiding thinking about the impending labour. I watched the odd One Born Every Minute and tootled along to a couple of hospital antenatal classes, but my main plan was to just “go with it”. I resisted listening to horror stories about other peoples’ labours and continued to live merrily naive and convinced that it would all be OK.
And it was all OK. I had a fairly quick labour and didn’t need any intervention. But it hurt. Lots. I don’t think I was prepared for quite how much it would hurt.
Photo credit: Caroline Gue at CP Photography
This time around I’m going into it with my eyes open. It might sound silly, as I’m not even 20 weeks yet, but I’ve already started to think about the birth and make some decisions. People tell me all labours are different and my experience last time won’t necessarily be the same again, but my midwife also tells me to be prepared for a “speedy delivery”, just in case.
“Speedy delivery” in midwife terms seems to mean anything less than the five hours I was in active labour with Frog. Five hours might not seem like much, but it’s a bloody long time when it hurts like hell and you just want it all to be over and done with in a few minutes.
The thing I’m most aware of this time is that I don’t want to lose my nerve. Again, it might sound silly, but the absolute worst bit of my labour with Frog was at the very, very beginning. Before I’d even gone into hospital. I can so clearly remember standing in the bath sobbing, thinking, “I can’t do this! If it hurts this much now what will I do?”
She was back-to-back, so I was getting really strong contractions, one on top of the other, while she turned. I had no experience or expert with me to tell me it wouldn’t be like that for 48 hours solid. I just had blind panic that I’d have to cope with wave after never-ending wave of unendurable pain for days and days. Drama queen, me?
So the thing I really want to focus on this time around is learning ways to cope in those early stages, before I even need to think about leaving the house and making that half hour journey to the hospital. As much as I love him, coping in a crisis and remaining calm is not my husband’s strong point, so I know it’s all going to be down to me at the start.
To start with I’ve been going to an aquanatal class, which is both fun, a good way to meet other pregnant women, but also a great way to keep fit. My favourite bit is at the end when we just get to float around with some relaxing music (I’m nothing if not lazy – and honest).
This evening I’m going to my first pregnancy yoga class. I have no idea what to expect, but signed up to it because I love yoga (again – little effort involved = win) and hope it might teach me some handy breathing and relaxation techniques.
The other thing which is mightily different this time compared to last time is that we have a Netflix account, and an iPad, so I can watch what I want from the comfort of a warm bubble bath if I choose. I’m hoping this will prove a good distraction in those “wait for things to get going properly” stages.
Again, One Born Every Minute has made a regular appearance on my watching schedule, along with Call The Midwife (seasons 1 and 2 are available on Netflix) and clips of experts talking about Hypnobirthing on YouTube.
This time, hearing other peoples’ experiences of birth isn’t something I’m shying away from. Instead, I’m genuinely interested and inspired to hear and see (even if it’s an acted scene in the likes of Call The Midwife) other mums going through it. It reminds me that I can do it too – have done it too.
I know it’s still early days and, to be honest, my main preoccupation at the moment is the 20 week scan coming up. I’m nervous and have everything crossed that it will show our baby is developing healthily and that all is as it should be.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about the fact that, pretty soon, I’m likely to be giving birth again. And, this time, I want to feel in control ALL the way through, not just when things “get going”.
How did you prepare for birth? Do you have any great tips for coping with those early stages at home? Did you find a particular point in labour hardest to deal with?
My main advice would be, if you know what works for you, insist on it, or get your partner to! Even though the details are horrific, the easiest birth for me, the one where I felt in control, was Smiley’s birth, and that was because I was on pethidine, which left me totally alert, but calm. On number 3, I was persuaded to have gas and air, even though that made me feel awful on number 1, and the same thing happened again, and I had to have an emergency epidural because I more or less passed out (it was a back to back labour too). Best of luck with it all. Despite everything I would’ve gone again if I’d had the chance xx
I wish I had some advice for you. I ended up with no labour and an unplanned c section for no. 1 – she was breech – and drugged up to the eyeballs ventouse delivery for no. 2. These followed initial plans for a chilled out water birth. Yoga and aqua classes sound great and am sure you’ll be fine
x x
I am now getting ridiculously broody at probably the worst time in my adult financial life! Not a good mix.
All the best Molly and enjoy!
The most helpful thing I was told during my second labour was to rest my chin on my chest whilst pushing. It sounds like a really minor thing but I pulled the muscle in the back of my neck when I had my eldest daughter and I wish I’d been given that advice the first time round.
Good luck with your impending scan and with the remainder of your pregnancy!
Hollie :o)
My biggest tip would be to relax and not worry, which reading this you already are! Bex my eldest was back to back till the day before! A labour lasting pretty much from 3a.m till 10p.m when she was born! Stubborn as I am I held to go into hospital till the last minute then realised it was not the last minute and was in there for another 8 hours, nearly 2 on the pushing! Then some other midwife came and p*ssed me off so I pushed to prove her wrong and out popped Bex. I think now it was a tactic!
I think keep active as much as you can, get lots of fibre and drink lots of water as horrible as it sounds a full bowel can make labour more painful and so much longer too!
Oscar my second was born within 2 hours of being in hospital with 2 hours of twinges at home before! Both just gas and air a sense of humour and for once in my life I did not worry about it! I usually worry about everything!
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and try not to worry x
Oh yes and I sniffed straight from the bottle lavender oil too!
Sorry -just to add, both Boo and Oz were back to back too. Little darlings!
Without wanting to come across all ‘birth is great’ – I have a great book by juju sundin that I highly recommend.
It’s a bit hippy and a bit flower-power earth mama in places but you take from it the clever bits.
I loved it. It helped me stay calm and focused, so much so (as you know) I tweeted throughout my labour!
I’m happy to loan it to you!
So, actually pushing them out is not something I can help you with – all of mine came out via the Sunroof (1st time Emergency, next 2 electively), but I did do 15 hours of induced, back to back Labour with the Big one before they decided enough was enough & that I wasn’t going to go any further than the measly 4cm dilation I’d already managed!!
The best thing I can advise is that you concentrate on your breathing – in through your nose, out through your mouth like you were cooling frogs dinner down for her, nice and slowly whilst all the time trying to keep your shoulders relaxed and down…..this is about the only thing I really remember from that Labour – that and that at some point my Midwifes student came and rubbed the tops of my feet and I remember it feeling totally amazing! (weird but true…..)
This was all 9 years ago tomorrow (how is it possible that my Biggest Baby is going to be NINE??) though so other people might have some slightly better suggestions!!