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You are here: Home / SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE / I quit Facebook – here’s what happened

I quit Facebook – here’s what happened

November 30, 2017 by Molly 2 Comments

Photo credit: Colette at We’re Going on an Adventure

It was one of those slow-burner decisions, bubbling away at the back of my mind for months. I’d dabbled with social media black-out days and deleting apps from my phone, but in the end my decision to quit Facebook was made on a whim.

I’d logged in, realised I’d lost ten minutes of my life doing nothing and feeling no better for it and, in a sudden rush of frustration, deactivated my account.

You might think that, as a blogger, this was a stupid thing to do. Facebook is a huge source of blog traffic, a way to connect with new and old readers alike. Perhaps not my full bread and butter, but a hefty slice of it at least.

But what you don’t know is that it wasn’t my only Facebook account. My original Facebook account is the one linked to my blog Facebook page. It’s in a different name – my married one – and is where I’m friends with people I know in real life. School mum mates, friends from uni, relatives… that kind of thing. Confused yet?

The Facebook account I deactivated was one I set up four years ago to try to manage my work / life balance. Once my freelance work and this blog started to take off, I found I was being increasingly friend-requested by other bloggers, or people who read my stuff online. And I was being added into groups – SO many groups. I started to feel like I had to be on Facebook all the time, and I was interacting less and less on there with the “real” people in my life.

And so I embraced a new extra Facebook profile, set up in my maiden name. I was in lots of Facebook groups with other bloggers, about blogging. Some of these groups were really lovely supportive places, and some weren’t. One thing is common of all these places though – they sucked in my attention more than any addictive Netflix box set. I mean, some of these groups had Stranger Things levels of interest.

Threads about PR wins and fails, threads asking for advice, AIBU threads, threads talking about other bloggers (we’ve all seen them), whatever the subject you can guarantee that it exists on a thread in a group somewhere on Facebook.

For four years I found it really useful to be in these groups. And, if I’m honest, there’s one group in particular that I’ve really missed since deactivating my account. As someone working on their own a lot of the time, at home, it was useful to have teams of “colleagues” to chat to and share ideas with. The Facebook groups became my office banter.

But then, a couple of weeks ago, I started to feel different. Admittedly, this is a hectic time of year, but instead of knuckling down on my To Do list, I found myself procrastinating by logging into my “work” Facebook profile. Aside from all the threads in the groups I also had a million and one statuses – many from people I didn’t even know – to keep up with. And with every minute on there my mood got worse.

I found myself comparing my blog wins, work highs and personal joys with others and coming up short. For every little win there was someone with a bigger one. This is often the nature of social media, I hear you say, but Facebook seems to magnify that feeling for me. It’s more personal. In some of the groups I was in it was always the same people being virtually high-fived and any time it wasn’t me I felt, well, crap.

Even though the rational side of my brain knew that people aren’t always truthful on social media, that comments on threads in Facebook groups should be taken with a pinch of salt, that none of it actually meant anything, I couldn’t help but be sucked in. It was like a scab I couldn’t resist itching, even though I knew it would make me bleed.

And so I deactivated my account.

At first I worried people would think I’d de-friended them and hate me, or think I’d flounced out of a group in a huff. But then I realised I couldn’t continue to do things based on a vague fear of what people might think of me. And so I tried not to worry, waiting to see if there would be any knock-on effect.

And you know what happened? Absolutely nothing.

A few people noticed my profile wasn’t active and messaged me elsewhere. But as I was continuing to post on all my other platforms, it wasn’t like I’d disappeared from the world. The week I deactivated my account was one of the best work weeks I’ve had in months. And as I started to focus more clearly, I found I was more productive, more confident and generally happier.

I interacted more with people on other platforms. I made connections with new people and, as an accidental happy result of this extra time, saw my own engagement levels and follower counts increase.

If I was worried about feeling disjointed from the increasingly huge UK parent blogging community, my experience last weekend on a vlogging retreat proved that you don’t have to be Facebook friends with all the other bloggers and be in all the blogging groups, to be connected. (Watch the video here.)

This isn’t a blogger-bashing post, or a Facebook bashing post. It’s more a reflection of where I was at for a while and a post to say that, if you can relate to any of this, it might help to streamline things in a similar way.

I’m not saying I’m gone forever. But, for now, if I don’t know you IRL, I’ll see you on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube or my blog Facebook page. It’s not like I’ve turned invisible online, after all.

 

Filed Under: SELF LOVE & BODY IMAGE Tagged With: Blogging, Facebook, parent blogger, Social Media, working online

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Comments

  1. Lisa says

    November 30, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    How refreshing. I feel a bit overwhelmed when I open Facebook. As quick as I’m commenting on things or replying, the replies are coming in even quicker which stresses me out.

    I posted something last night and was left a comment which I wasn’t sure how to take. I couldn’t work out whether somebody was trying to be funny or completely rude and it bothered me all night. I deleted the comment but then panicked wondering whether the person will know that I’ve deleted it. Ridiculous I know.

    I may not be able to give up completely but I am going to limit the time I’m on there. I’ve switched off my notifications which is a start!

    Reply
    • Molly says

      December 4, 2017 at 10:27 am

      It can be such a mental drain can’t it?! I’ve definitely found I’m more productive now I’m not on there as much!

      Reply

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Hello and welcome! I'm Molly Forbes - podcaster, presenter and blogger with a passion for positivity, confidence and body image chat. Regularly writing and vlogging about empowering female issues from a motherhood angle, I also cover lifestyle and fashion topics for like-minded mums who want to rediscover themselves after having children. Thanks for stopping by! Read More…

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Stop the world, I want to get off. . I was scared Stop the world, I want to get off.
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I was scared the Better Health campaign would give the green light for body shame to come for kids and ramp up the dangerous culture of body hate and weight-based discrimination many children are facing, and it seems I was right. Here’s the latest stigmatising coverage (from yesterday).
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FYI, beware any headline or show referencing “health experts” as if that makes the claim an unarguable, unbiased one. There are many different types of health professional and they don’t all agree on everything all the time. And being an “expert” in one area of health doesn’t make you an expert in all areas of health. When the media quote “health experts” it’s often someone with a political agenda - and it won’t necessarily be a doctor or dietician or someone with training in medicine, nutrition, or another area of health. Always look beyond the headlines and remember that journalists have internalised bias just like everyone else, and it’s their job to sell stories and make people tune in - often the more controversial the better. (Full disclosure - I’m a former news journalist so I know how stories make it to air and print, and how important media literacy is in decoding things often presented as unquestionable fact.)
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Want a better way? We’ve got spaces on two Body Happy Kids workshops in September. There’s a link in my bio where you can read more. They’re one hour, evidence-based workshops that have now been delivered to more than 100 teachers and youth leaders to cancel diet culture and weight stigma in schools and create body happy environments for kids to thrive in. ❤️ And if you’re a parent there are free downloadable resources I created at the start of lockdown, via the link in my bio, as well as an activity pack full of body image boosting things to do with kids. Our children deserve better than body shame 💕
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#BodyHappyKids
Just popping in to bring some sexy realness to you Just popping in to bring some sexy realness to your feed and remind you not to compare your life to an edited highlights reel. Here I am on my swanky holiday in a five star hotel freshly woken after a refreshing eight hours’ sleep in silken sheets wearing my designer nightwear. #LifestyleGoals
It’s important to distinguish between doctors an It’s important to distinguish between doctors and dieticians, and to remember that GPs and doctors are NOT dieticians. People go to university for four years and then often do Masters or PhD’s before they start practising in dietetics. Doctors are great (my sister is one!) but they are not dieticians. Being a doctor does not automatically give you the expertise to give nutrition advice. Remember this if you are referred to Slimming World or Weight Watchers by your GP, or if you watched a certain TV show last night (hosted, btw, by a medical psychiatrist, not a GP - see @drjoshuawolrich post for more on that). 
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I think it’s concerning when doctors write diet books, particularly when they are well known celeb doctors. Not only does it drive a weight-focused health agenda (side note: doctors! Read Health At Every Size by Lindo Bacon PhD!), but it perpetuates anti-fat bias in the medical community. 
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And this matters why? Because weight stigma and health are not compatible. Research shows many of the health outcomes blamed on weight can be attributed to the effect of weight stigma rather than the weight itself, but ALSO weight stigma means many people put off going to see a doctor due to past upsetting experiences in the GP surgery OR they are not properly diagnosed because their weight is the focus of the consultation. 
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Look, I’m not coming for doctors. I appreciate you and know you’ve done an exceptional job in the pandemic. Again, my sister is a doctor. BUT doctors are a product of society just like you and me. They are human with their own internalised biases. It’s important we remember this, particularly if their prescription involves nutrition advice which many dieticians would condemn as being actively bad for health.

#BodyImage
Re-sharing this vid from January to show, despite Re-sharing this vid from January to show, despite what fatphobic attitudes would have you believe, body acceptance does NOT mean “giving up”. It IS possible to enjoy moving your body without weight loss being the ultimate goal. 
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Diet culture has messed up our relationship with exercise just like it’s messed up our relationship with food. And the government’s Better Health campaign just continues to perpetuate the myth that exercise is a weight loss tool, and that those in bigger bodies can’t be fit. WRONG! 
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⚡️Did you know research shows people who are fat and fit live longer than those who are thin and unfit? ⚡️Did you know weight stigma and anti-fat attitudes are a massive barrier for many people who want to work out? ⚡️Did you know that exercising for intrinsic reasons (how it makes you feel) over extrinsic ones (how it makes you look) is a better long term motivator for consistent exercise? ⚡️And did you know that a study in 2007 showed people who are motivated to exercise for health and enjoyment reasons had a lower pulse, systolic blood pressure and salivary stress hormone levels while those motivated by weight loss had none of these physical measures? Fitness through a diet culture lens is NOT the one! 
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If you want kids to enjoy movement then teaching them that all bodies are good bodies is absolutely KEY to a lifelong healthy relationship with exercise. 
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But also: other people’s bodies and health habits are none of your business! People have the right to respect and dignity REGARDLESS of their health status. 
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And finally (I’ll put my megaphone down in a sec) ALL movement is valid, despite what the “go hard or go home” crew tell you. It’s YOUR body, move it however you want, however it feels good, and not to “atone” for the “syns” you ate at your last meal ❤️❤️❤️
#BodyHappy #BodyImage
CELEBRATE YOUR BODY This book by @sonyarene CELEBRATE YOUR BODY ❤️ This book by @sonyareneetaylor is just the most joyful book to help girls understand and embrace their changing bodies. My eldest is 10 and she read it cover to cover, and it’s sparked so many gorgeous, open, curious conversations about puberty and periods and hormones and emotions and all the things. 
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@thebodyisnotanapology
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