Co-parenting after a divorce, even an amicable one, is nearly always quite complicated. In fact, child custody arrangements could be a big part of your divorce agreement template. In this blog post, we’ll offer ten tips for making sure your co-parenting arrangement works.
1. Prioritize the Child
Too many divorced couples forget that the child’s needs are most important. You need to create stability for the child. You can’t hide the divorce, but make sure there aren’t too many changes for them.
Prioritizing the child might mean both sides need to compromise at some point. For example, do you live near their school? If not, they might not be able to stay with you through the week.
2. Create a Parenting Plan
You and your co-parent must work on a structured parenting plan. This should take into account the current custody arrangements. For example, the co-parent might not want you to visit them too many times.
This can also involve discussing upcoming public holidays. For example, would the child be able to spend the whole day with their father on Father’s Day? Refer back to this whenever there’s a dispute.
3. Practice Open Communication
Even if the divorce is still fresh, you can’t give each other the silent treatment. Refusing to share important information could just cause problems further down the line. Co-parenting apps could help you stay in touch.
Talking to your co-parent might still be quite difficult. But when talking about your child, you need to push past this. This is the only way you two can work to help them thrive.
4. Be Flexible
No co-parenting plan is set in stone forever. You must always be ready for an emergency or any other last-minute change. Your co-parent might have an urgent appointment on short notice, for example.
Your life can’t revolve around your child. However, it’s important that you’re available. Make sure your co-parent knows when you absolutely can’t help out. Balancing these boundaries with your responsibilities as a parent is no easy task.
5. Never Badmouth the Other Parent
It’s natural to end up talking about the divorce with your child. They might even ask why you two aren’t together. Don’t use this to vent your frustrations. This could cause unnecessary stress for your child.
It’s vital that the child can see both parents as good role models. If your emotions get the better of you, you risk turning them against your co-parent.
6. Set Boundaries
You and your ex-partner must set co-parenting boundaries after the divorce. They don’t have to be in your co-parenting plan. For example, this could mean only talking when it’s about the child.
You also need to respect one another’s time. Make sure you’re never late when picking up your child, or bringing them back. If your ex-partner is dating again, don’t pry; let them have a private life.
7. Coordinate for Birthdays
Discuss your child’s birthday months in advance with the co-parent. This can include a spending limit so neither parent looks better than the other. Alternatively, you can pool your gifts together to avoid this.
You could alternate who “hosts” their birthday each year. However, the child may prefer to spend time with both parents. It’s worth involving your child in these discussions so you can meet their needs more easily.
8. Discuss Future Trips
Similarly, make sure you’re on the same page about co-parenting and vacations. Do you plan on taking them to the same place, for example? How will you two work out the extra days with one parent?
Talk about where you’d each like to take your child. Work out who will get to go there with them and when. You’ll likely only have time for a few trips per year.
9. Adjust the Plan as Necessary
As your child grows, the plan might need some changes. For example, boys may want to spend more time with their father. This can be important for making sure they have a healthy male role model in their life.
Similarly, your child may have a schedule of their own. You and the co-parent must work around this to make sure they have their independence.
10. Be Patient
Both sides will make mistakes at some point. You might be late dropping off the child, but they might call when you’re busy. Co-parenting presents many unique challenges — and you can’t prepare for everything.
You’ll both need time to adjust to co-parenting. All of this will be happening while you’re both still navigating a divorce. Be patient with your ex-partner, and do your best to meet them halfway.
Conclusion
Emotions will be running high while co-parenting. This means you need to follow the right steps and tips to keep your child’s interests at heart. Above all else, however, remember that you and your partner are both trying your best.
